Work: Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order...

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

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30036

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Work

Serious times

The one with the asshole friend

My booze

By =( - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

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46636

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By Anonymous

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

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3450

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225

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 08:08

Fake mystery guy

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

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118

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By Cody - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28870

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By Elizabeth - France

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

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22988

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 08:06

Sounds like a catch

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

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310

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By Lastsecondstand - United States

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58250

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Zapped

Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

512

You deserved it

106

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27387

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By R we Hillbilliez? - 1/4/2021 00:30

Family sticks together

Today, I overheard my husband screaming and sobbing into the phone. Apparently, his mistress has been cheating on him with both his brother and their uncle. Who’s the woman in question? My much younger niece, who lives next door. I don’t even know where to begin to approach this dumpster fire. FML

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1562

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By Anonymous - United States - Craftsbury

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36158

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33748

You deserved it

2722

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By ohmygoodness - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

80245

You deserved it

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By Dani - Australia

Stranger danger

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32885

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2598

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By foreverafatty - United States

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30535

You deserved it

15757

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By ColoredPencil13 - United States - Baytown

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56030

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By tanksfan - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than 2 years, I decided to quit. I come home from work and I see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7389

You deserved it

41760

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By eiregal2 - Ireland - Cork

Butterfingers

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1332

You deserved it

167

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By that's methed up, darling - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40799

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By Goody2shoes - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20743

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By framed - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

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23290

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By monster in law. - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36182

You deserved it

3408

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55781

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By anon - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6772

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By Anonymous - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1758

You deserved it

114

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By Lilragu97 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30273

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By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML

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3761

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6166

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By CreeptacularBait

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3390

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787

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By nottrustworthy - United States

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31404

You deserved it

4552

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

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29967

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Can't get no…

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1217

You deserved it

237

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By Username - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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16070

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By I said whaat

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15129

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By gassy - United States - Aubrey

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

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34645

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By dieana - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41773

You deserved it

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By ... - France

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

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8905

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By SleepIsForTheWeak - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30816

You deserved it

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By Nastiaa - Estonia

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13187

You deserved it

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By browngirl - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

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By ... - United States

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

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31826

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Top comments

By thrawg | 0

#640711 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:18

u can click on both

By xxcrazybestiexx | 0

#640661 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:55

At these times I wish they had a both button. You should have known something that important. However, that really does sucks. So YDI and FYL.

COMMENTS

By mauthem | 0

#640614 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Yarrachel | 16

#640617 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:32

I wish I was as cool as you.

pinktiger | 0

#640630 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:41

so do i. #1, omg, what an accomplishmenttt. i wish i was totally you

dcbog123 | 0

#640716 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:20

ydi it for being a dumba** c*ntface

By PunxsatownyPhil | 0

#640635 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:43

Sorry. What happened? Temporary position?

By the_stereotype | 0

#640648 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:48

YDI for not knowing your company was trying to fire you, and all they had to do is have a deadline

By xxcrazybestiexx | 0

#640661 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:55

At these times I wish they had a both button. You should have known something that important. However, that really does sucks. So YDI and FYL.

thrawg | 0

#640711 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:18

u can click on both

By lavacave | 0

#640667 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:56

Lol! That happened to me once. It really sucks. Ah, and it was such a sweet job as well :-(

By bon_jour_fml | 0

#640679 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:02

sad :(

By resonant14 | 0

#640710 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:15

YDI for not applying yourself.

By perdix | 29

#640750 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:47

No boss, manager or co-worker reminded you?

They probably all wanted that outcome. YDI for not being more sociable.

DenBriZel | 31

#5982969 - Saturday 21 June 2014 9:38

or likeable..

By minimedanielle | 0

#640766 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:56

how did u not know about it

By Superawesomestev | 0

#640802 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 3:22

yes, how did you not know about this? do tell.