Sleep_lover654
Tempe, United States
Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML
Sleep_lover654 tells us more.
First of all, Iwanted to thank FML staff for publishing this, I didn't think they would. Anyway, I just wanted to clear up some obvious confusion here. The full story is, of course my sister dropped off her baby at my apartment. Later on, I had left the baby for her nap, naturally leaving the door open as I always saw my sister do. I went into the kitchen to make her bottle and a quick meal for me. I didn't see my dog near me but I thought nothing of it since he is always so well- behaved. Right when I finished, I heard the baby cry out but giggle, so I thought maybe she had gotten one of the toys. Clearly wrong. I went into the room to see my dog had somehow (do not ask how for I do not know) opened her crib, gotten in, and did...well, did that. I had to quickly pry him off of course but unfortunately, the image is burned into my mind.
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Top comments
sumi90 12
You should not let the dog babysit!
Miss_Chevious 37
Someone is way too early into zoophillia
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Comments (75)
Tripartita 45
So in a real life Brian and Stewie Griffin situation, Stewie gets what he always wanted. Who knew.
kerrygirl 13
be happy that is all that happened and the dog didn't attack the baby....
Mathalamus 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
*sigh* dogs. i dont like dogs. but not for humping reasons. they all scare me.
NickACD 27
How? I have the sweetest dogs you could ever meet. Most dogs are just the sweetest things.
Mathalamus 25
sorry, but i have a slight phobia of dogs. no matter how big or small it is. its still capable of biting and scratching me. and i cant fight back. well, i can, but id get in trouble.
tiger820 20
hear no evil see no evil! treat it like Vegas. if you don't tell your sister she'll never know! I'm sure the baby won't tell her.
Mightytall 35
This is no laughing matter!!! Humping is not a sexual act for dogs, it's behavior that is supposed to assert dominance over the other being. So, this is potentially a dangerous situation and the dog should not be left where it has access to the baby. You must get professional advice and help training the dog to prevent a possible attack. Remember the baby is not a dog and does not know how to behave as one, thus any actions by the baby may be viewed as aggressive behavior by the dog and he may bite. You would not want to be in a situation to explain to your sister why the baby is missing a few fingers or worse...
quackImapenguin 16
No, it's not dominant, that's been debunked. The whole dominance theory was based on studies of wolves in zoos but, 1) dogs aren't wolves and 2) the wolves in zoos were randomly thrown together while wolf packs in the wild are family groups. The whole thing about dogs humping to assert dominance is anthropomorphizing- assuming that dog humping is analogous to human sexual harassment. It's not. It's just play. Dogs will trade off humping each other in the same session of play without getting aggressive or anything. The way to deal with a dog's embarrassing humping behaviors is not to dominate them, but to redirect them to a different activity. It's not this awful behavior that needs to be dealt with immediately- it's more on par with digging in the garden. The OP still shouldn't have left a baby anywhere near where a dog could reach it since there is the risk of aggression or the dog accidentally being too rough. But as long as the kid isn't hurt, humping was harmless play. It's only as bad as if the OP had walked in on the dog putting a toy on the baby or play bowing.
more4me 27
I love dogs. But if I caught a dog humping the baby, that dog would get an earful and would be promptly removed from the room.
itsthewayitis 10
did you let the dog finish
Natedawg1217 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dogs suck. They're slobbery, loud, annoying, gross demanding things. Cats are much better.
Mahcookiez 15
Yeah, humping is so terrible, not like cats can scratch you or in this case a young child.
Denise1988 13
Cats can jump to high places if they're being bothered by children. My cats have never hurt my kids because they have shelves on the wall and a cat tree.
SixthSinEnvy 39
Cats knock things over, meow all night, piss in a box that makes a house reek, claw your furniture and couldn't give a damn whether you exist or not. Yeah. They're soooo much better.
RogueWarrior869 23
@41 If your cat is meowing all night then something is wrong(or maybe it's in heat, in that case getting it fixed solves that), and if a cats urine is making that bad of a smell, it could be a kidney infection(and try a different brand of litter. Most are scented and inexpensive too. You can also add some baking soda to the litter for the smell, works like a charm.). Also, playing with'em and giving them some attention everyday can fix the unhappy to see you bit.
Slavgaard 16
Bad dog!
Kukironosuke 16
how do you "discover" this while baby sitting? you should have complete spatial awareness of the baby at all times while baby sitting, you can't leave them alone even for a moment without super vision
DoctorMEW 19
Not even for a moment? How do babysitters ever pee? I get taking a baby in with you but if their older..
Kukironosuke 16
babies are by definition not "older", if you need to pee you take the baby in the bathroom with you, or get somebody else to watch it, if they are 3-4+ years old and can talk then they don't need 100% watch anymore but still 90-95% super vision