Shouldn't you have gone to the hospital if it was so bad?

What? And have the whole hospital staff laugh at him like his girlfriend did? When you shave your balls, you’re on your own — there’s no help in case of a mishap. That’s why it takes balls to shave balls!

I work in ED and have had people come in with the same chief complaint. Lets just say it is not a laughable matter since a story like this is considered tame and boring in comparison to other stuff (involving sexual parts of the body) we see.

I think it's more of a "I don't want to spot my third pair of underwear for this" type of situation.

Might I suggest you apply some icy/hot to help it heal?

I can tell this is a difficult period in your life.

I recommend a hot water bottle, ice cream, a romcom and lots of lounging on the couch.

Man, you feel like a woman!

It’s good to know your girlfriend gets such schadenfreude over your misfortune. You two will have a wonderful life together!

Wouldn't a band-aid or two have sufficed?

Ouch! Hell no

You’re obviously female.

I've cut my lady bits and i wore a pad too, no way in hell would i put a bandaid there

That’s funny. Period.

Be glad she uses maxi pads. If she used tampons or a menstrual cup, you'd be out of luck.

Gender equity achieved by careless shaving!
If you were more careless, you could achieve more...

Strong enough for a women, but made for a man.