By marcranger - 11/08/2014 23:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 300
You deserved it 16 466

marcranger tells us more.

marcranger 28

Hey all, OP here! Glad to see I made some of you laugh...I wish I could say the same about my cousin, his wife, and my aunt and uncle (the proud first-time grandparents)! At least my dad, who I was staying with for this event (I live up in the mountains, but this was in Denver), laughed his ass off when everyone else was out of earshot and said he honestly felt the same way (and since I was a baby once...thanks, Dad?). Oh, well. At the very least, I think the new parents will avoid me like the plague at future gatherings, even ones specifically planned to honor the new addition (oops), and this might get my relatives to back off about when exactly I'm making my own contribution to the family line.

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Top comments

Lolzords 11

Shouldn't be passing a baby around at a party anyway, it's not a joint

428 8
purplebabytacos1 14

Well you won't be holding that baby for a while.

311 4

Comments

jordanlite 16

I totally agree. Baby's aren't pleasant.

9 4
fleuretta 19

"It"? What you were going to say is just as offensive IMO.

2 41
Core5555 9

The parents will get over it OP. It's not your fault that they tried to strong arm you into a situation you weren't comfortable with. I hate idiotic new parents. It makes me want to scream out, "Congrats on being able to ****!" Gesh.

41 3
rocker_chick23 27

As a parent, this made me laugh.

17 1
mkcherry 14

My daughter (ten months) is gorgeous, I mean that objectively people go out of their way at stores, pools etc to tell me what a special pretty baby she is. But when she was born she looked like a cross between a blob and a grumpy old man. I dont see why new parents get their panties all in a bunch, babies arent all that special until they develop personalities and likeable traits. I never offered her to anyone its a baby, I fail to see why people pass them around, not to mention all the germs.

45 5
rocker_chick23 27

My son looked like a raisin when he was born. He was a very ugly newborn until he was a month old.

19 1
lina21 12

Oh it's so true though. That's the problem! Just let them know you're not a baby person? Hopefully the parents get it and got a good laugh?

6 2
rocker_chick23 27

I would have thought it was pretty hilarious since it's true. Newborns are ugly little things

10 0
ScooperScribbles 10

I've only ever held someone's baby once. It puked on me. NEVER. AGAIN.

9 1
trhutchins3 1

OP: Why ya gotta be so rude? Don't ya know it's human too?

6 18
SaintT 15

I see the down vote trolls were here. Don't worry, I got a laugh out of it.

1 1
f_mine_fer_sure 6

Many people are uncomfortable with babies. I am too. Hopefully the folks present had a good sense of humor about the situation and realized that not everybody is equally comfortable holding a baby.

6 1