Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML
Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML
Today, I have a zit on the edge of my nostril, along with severe allergies. I can no longer tell if my tears are from pain or hay fever. FML
Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML
Today, as I was trying to get into the grocery store, I had a sneezing fit. I've typically never had one, so I didn't really know how to handle it. This one was a new record: 11 sneezes and I hadn't had the foresight to bring tissues. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
greeneyesFTWlol 8
My booty just tightened up from reading this.
fsomelife 26
I guess either your nose regrets what your ass does, or your ass regrets what your nose does.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (58)
perdix 31
You ought to shove a cucumber halfway up your ass to hold your 'roids still when you sneeze. And it will reduce the swelling which is while people put cucumber slices on their eyelids. I don't know if it will work, but I'd sure like to see you walking around. :D
Kitten_Calderon 14
Geez OP, I Am so sorry you are going through these. I hope you find ways to remedy both your allergies and your hemorrhoids.. At least the hemorrhoids would be nice if they went away.. I'd pick allergies over those any day
aidem1988 7
it is time for operation ass cream!
Jemm_fml 29
Ow, my anus :( Man, I laughed but this is some seriously painful stuff. FYL, OP. Get some prep.H!
JennNoVa 8
Time to get a referral from your doctor to a surgeon for those hemorrhoids. Insurance will cover it and you'll be glad you did it!
JoshuahColins 19
Oh that's nasty...
olpally 33
That's an interesting visual... Can't you get some sort of cream for the hemorrhoids? Or better yet, take some Claritin to stop the sneezing!
firefly319 7
Sit with the inside of a banana peel on your hemorrhoids. It's sounds strange but it makes them settle down and usually stops them hurting completely. *shrug*. This is my shot and random stuff that works in weird ways... Hope you feel better OP.
LyraAlluse 25
I sat on a cactus once so I have good idea of what this must feel like.
Jessa91 10
Invest in some witch hazel...