Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML
Today, a patient came to the ER at 4 a.m., but left complaining I wasn't treating him properly. I treated his toothache with painkillers that would get him through the night so he could contact a dentist the next day. He showed me a TikTok video of the tooth surgery that he supposedly needed instead. FML
Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML
Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a cavity filled. The numbing medication didn't work, so I felt everything. I was in so much pain that I accidentally bit down on the dentist's finger, causing him to yell in agony. Now, I have to find a new dentist. FML
Today, at my store, I had an old man violently accuse me of charging him for an extra pack of 99¢ Mounds candy yesterday. He held up my line for 10 minutes, fighting me about it. I didn't even work yesterday. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well I hope you stroked it for him... His cheek I mean.
ManInTheMachine 20
I would just play along, and be a good employee. Unless the next thing he asks for is the Viagra. Then get your manager, and a restraining order.
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Comments (88)
cosmicstare 9
I love doing that.
PenguinBitch 44
I bet you do love stroking.
mandachea10 8
He was just in need of some oral..with the jelly.
motor_fml 20
Give the poor old gent a little stroke on his cheek. It's not like he asked for you to rub the gel on his tooth.
Catkam623 27
You want to stroke an old guys cheek go ahead.
motor_fml 20
Ok. There are worse things in the world then old wrinkly faces.
gc327072 31
Creepy old wrinkly faces?
zombieslayer83 19
I love old guy FMLs!
billyz77 24
I used to love them, too, #16, then I got old. Now they're kind of like a What (and What NOT) To Do book.
jxcala 10
Oh I know the feeling. I showed an elderly customer at Chick-fil-A my engagement ring. He promptly grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips in front of a full dining room. Lets just say things are awkward when he comes in now.
perdix 31
Reminds me of the moment I nearly got a face slap and lifetime ban from Chick-Fil-A. The manager on duty was a beautiful woman going by tables checking on customers. She noticed my empty drink and asked if I wanted a refill. Looking at my cup's lid, she said, "I'm going to need you to take your top off." And I ALMOST replied, "I will if you take your top off first!" But I just thought better of it!
SmallBean 12
Wow, really? Thank you for that story about how something ALMOST happened.
perdix 31
#29, this is why perdix exists. There are things the real me wouldn't say in the real world. I swear, I really had that thought at that moment. I'm just letting you guys in on what lies beneath, concealed by a thin layer of civility and common sense.
Werken247 14
I don't have that mouth filter Perdix, but surprisingly enough I don't kicked out of many places.
theycallmekitty 13
I convinced my best friend to ask the waiter at Steak 'n Shake if their milkshakes are made with 100% breast milk. He didn't know what to say so he stared at us awkwardly then walked away. We got a new waiter after that.
perdix 31
The customer's always . . . ? You should have stroked his cheek, and you probably would have gotten a nice tip out of that. Next week, he'll come in with jock itch and you'll have a chance to get written into his will. Talk about a magic touch!
loserman67 36
Then he told you about his jock itch and hemorrhoids right?
GTAmax99 12
Perhaps he just misses the feel of a woman's touch
nrr13145768 13
Did you stroke his cheek?
chriswright1888 10
Sometimes i stroke my zebras cheek