Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was introduced to a YouTube musician called S3RL. I was listening to a playlist of his music all day. Then of course when I went to pick up my girlfriend, some song came on that was just exaggerated sex moans pitched into music. She stared at me then burst out laughing and called me a pervert. FML
Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML
Today, I just learned that the silly song my parents taught me as a small child, and would sometimes make me sing for the family, is actually a very thinly veiled series of penis jokes. Why just now? Because I hadn't thought about it for years, until my grandma brought it up at a reunion. FML
Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML
Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML
Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML
Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML
Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML
Today, I was once again woken up to my dad blasting The Beatles' song "Birthday." He does this whenever it's anyone's birthday (in this case, my mom's) and he knows a lot of people. It was funny at first, but now it's getting old very quickly. FML
Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music CD he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML
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Top comments
WellHelloThere47 19
and THAT ladies and gentlemen is why we ALWAYS screen what we show our parents first!
nana_star 27
I don't know about your parents but mine would appreciate a song about an enormous penis because they don't have enormous sticks up their asses.
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Comments (81)
furstur 16
"Uplifting"
jaredofmo 22
Hey, I know that song!
travellingfun 18
My parents would probably laugh, actually to be honest it would brighten their day.
toxic324x 17
"I've got large amounts in the place that counts, I've got an enormous pe-e-enis"
ajs1987 15
You couldn't spare 5 minutes in your day?
J483 12
You didn't have time to listen to the rest of the song, but you did take the time to send it to your mom?
MehNameIsJuan 15
At A Medium Pace - Adam Sandler
RageWolf16 31
"Whenever life gets you down.. Leaves you wearin' a frown... And the gravy train has left you behind. When you're all out of hope, down at the end of your rope, and nobody's there to throw you a liiineeee... If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go, come on and take a walk in my shoes.. Never worry 'bout a thing, got the world on a string, cause I've got the cure for all of my woos.... I take a look at my enormous penis, and everything is feeling okay, I take a look at my enormous penis, and everything is going my way! I wanna sing and dance when I glance in my pants, got me feelin' like a sunshiney day! I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis, and everything is going my way!" That one?
Microtron 11
Hey y'all, OP here, just to let you know that the song in question is "Enormous Penis" by Da Vinci's Notebook. I'll also let you know that my mom took it poorly. She's a bit of a prude.
missyfiona89 28
8 inches and growing longer, sometimes you just have it better~ there are people who wants it bad, but you lucky bastard just have them wet?