Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML
Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML
Today, I confidently walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment for a party, only to find a confused elderly couple staring at me. Turns out, I was not only three doors down from where I thought his front door was, I was also on the wrong floor. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Perhaps you should think about locking your door. And getting an alarm. And a dog. A big dog like a German shepherd, not a little dog like a chihuahua. No one likes those yappy little *****.
MeTheBeast 22
At least he had the decency to call you honey ;)
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Comments (97)
magaliwoodrock 19
How did I know it was going to be somebody from canada! Haha nobody locks their doors
worldclassrager 41
That's one way to meet someone..,well I don't think he'll be forgotten easily..,
zenorag 6
learn how to spell dipshit
mybubbles2000 13
That will definitely make for an interesting conversation when you meet his wife.
jaybone87 8
keep your doors locked silly. didnt your ma ever teach you anything?
alexsandria83 18
Why weren't the doors locked?
mybubbles2000 13
May be she was waiting for her husband to get home.
kumarina 35
Well he was kind enough to let you know he arrived
LissaMccracken 23
Haha wow. At least you can laugh about that later. Better that than someone who wants to brutally kill you walking in. ;) Maybe you should lock your doors?
ifavela89 13
no fruit basket?
Skyisalwaysblue 1
I was trying to figure out why you had the door unlocked so that a random man could walk into your house at 2 in the afternoon. Then I realized that it says you're from Canada. And all was made clear. Oh Canada.