By worstaunty - United States - Boca Raton

That'll do

Today, I had to pick my 2 year-old nephew up from day care for the first time. When the lady asked me who I was there to pick up, I realized I didn't know his actual name because we all call him "Bebe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

587

You deserved it

1840

Favorite

Proactive

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Vampires are everywhere

By BSwan - Australia

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30857

You deserved it

11337

Favorite

By monogamyisalie - United States

Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27943

You deserved it

2760

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4438

You deserved it

852

Favorite

By twilight zone - 9/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Backwards

Today, I was actually criticized for giving my kids scientific answers to their questions, instead of dumb downed fairytales. Gotta love the public school system, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1392

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By Messiahman - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13879

You deserved it

33942

Favorite

By BoobSicle - United States

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14531

You deserved it

57412

Favorite

By Jaybird1587 - United States

Today, I was just about to get in the shower, when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself, boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought, my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50919

You deserved it

2478

Favorite

By Anonymous - Reserved

Caught

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43453

You deserved it

3393

Favorite

By Anonim23

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1508

You deserved it

214

Favorite

By BreechInEducation

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10514

You deserved it

918

Favorite

By Anonymous - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52040

You deserved it

5826

Favorite

By notyourfriend - Canada - Peterborough

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37323

You deserved it

3439

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29318

You deserved it

3949

Favorite

By needs_another_loan - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32521

You deserved it

2591

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24029

You deserved it

21418

Favorite

By dadyoureacunt - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40280

You deserved it

7415

Favorite

By ddll - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32214

You deserved it

12290

Favorite

By Embarassed - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54452

You deserved it

15859

Favorite

By Anonymous - Switzerland - Corminboeuf

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23623

You deserved it

3740

Favorite

By Jake Whitte - United States

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47592

You deserved it

15709

Favorite

By kbeavv - United States

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29878

You deserved it

4781

Favorite

By joyful-not - United States

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34622

You deserved it

3198

Favorite

By kenz - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42314

You deserved it

2540

Favorite

By RhuLynette - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26590

You deserved it

2974

Favorite

By shitfaced - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22578

You deserved it

9427

Favorite

By wantedphantom

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11736

You deserved it

989

Favorite

By I don't want to be here anymore - Canada - Edmonton

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32699

You deserved it

3271

Favorite

By Hairylass - United States

Today, I realized that I have an odd habit of plucking the tiny white hairs on my upper lip when I am overly stressed. But only the right side. I noticed when examining my face and seeing they'd all come back black. I've got half a mustache. I'm female. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2378

You deserved it

620

Favorite

By girlfromnowhere - United Arab Emirates

Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23633

You deserved it

2096

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39284

You deserved it

31361

Favorite

By Peter

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

I agree, your life sucks

32760

You deserved it

2828

Favorite

By KaRaSu - France

Today, whilst doing it with my girlfriend she goes :"are you done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37709

You deserved it

7033

Favorite

By Emily - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32657

You deserved it

42496

Favorite

By SophieGray - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38788

You deserved it

5045

Favorite

By poopedon - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49860

You deserved it

18067

Favorite

By Great. - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25931

You deserved it

5322

Favorite

By jtaylor94 - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said "is your dad home?" I replied "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19199

You deserved it

42365

Favorite

By inder - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49638

You deserved it

4709

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Cabin fever

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML

I agree, your life sucks

716

You deserved it

Favorite

By morethanredhands

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

You deserved it

7767

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By spinspinsugar | 11

#7887334 - Thursday 5 March 2020 0:15

dude, my nephew isn't even mine by blood and I know his first, middle, and last name. ydi

By RichardPencil | 30

#7887357 - Thursday 5 March 2020 2:10

Stranger danger!

COMMENTS

By spinspinsugar | 11

#7887334 - Thursday 5 March 2020 0:15

dude, my nephew isn't even mine by blood and I know his first, middle, and last name. ydi

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7887338 - Thursday 5 March 2020 0:46

That's what we call my 5yo nephew too, but I can tell you his first, middle, last, and suffix.

By distortedcognition | 17

#7887345 - Thursday 5 March 2020 1:22

No worries, I only know my niece and nephew’s first and last name. Couldn’t tell you their birthday or how old they are if you held a gun to my head

bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7887359 - Thursday 5 March 2020 2:16

So if you were asked who you're there to pick up, you would know the answer.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7887357 - Thursday 5 March 2020 2:10

Stranger danger!