Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my crush to see a movie. During the movie, I made a move and put my arm around her. As I reached over, my hand went straight into the popcorn tub, and I knocked it over. It spilled everywhere, all over her lap, all over me, and on the floor. I spent the next 15 minutes trying to clean up, while she awkwardly avoided eye contact. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML
Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML
Today, I tried to quietly open a bag of chips during a movie. The bag made so much noise that people turned around to stare. When I finally got it open, I dropped the entire bag on the floor and chips scattered down the aisle. FML
Today, my daughter decided to make popcorn and for some reason she thought the bag of seeds was for one portion's worth, so she poured the whole damn bag into our popcorn maker and filled half the kitchen floor. It now smells like a cinema lobby. FML
Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML
Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear, "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said, "Here, you're repaid." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
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Top comments
ndnpride88 25
Man that's disgusting
instnt1nfction 17
Like a ninja
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Comments (636)
here4theparty 4
pulling a pee wee herman... props.
erin1994 9
That's ******... Who in their right mind would do that?
fogrunner 13
I'd be more surprised if I hadn't heard about breeder nazis changing their babies' diapers on café tables. :|
Cherishlynn 3
Umm yuck! Who does that?
iilovecokee 6
She belongs in a cage next to the chimps and baboons.
sajupt 17
Disgusting is an understatement...
emyonline 0
Sucks... Ewww
Iffyy 6
Fo' real fo' real?
flame2011 6
How long have you guys known each other? How long would the relation have to be lasting to feel comfortable enough to do that next to the guy?
kelis_fml 0
That's ******* nasty! Has she not heard of a toilet?!