Spooky season is nearly here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks 54 371
You deserved it 5 479

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rg350dx 29

Call the local priest. If the phone lines mysteriously cut out and you lose power, start throwing crosses at them.


ashalayx 13

i was thinking more along the lines of insane?

Sacrificing your friend so close to Christmas?

whiskeey 14
rg350dx 29

Damn dyslexic kids probably looked up ways to please Satan instead of Santa.

Your comment is derogatory to dsylexic people. :/

To be honest, they are probably "wiccans". It's a pop religion that pisses off actual pegans. See, they think the rituals they do give them magical powers and are just in the teen "this seems cool so I totally do it" stage. Enjoy.

95- Wicca is a perfectly legitimate religion when practiced seriously. It's unfortunate that it attracts do many fluffy bunny wannabe witches and would-be teenage rebels...

You should be proud that your daughter knows a foreign language!

Not really no. Can you tell me the basis of Wicca? No you can't. It's different from who to talk to about it. Everyone believes a different "truth" therefore as a whole it is invalid. I can ask a catholic the basis of their religion and the same for a Christian and a Jew but I'll ALWAYS get the same story from them regardless of how many I ask. Even with true pegans. Never once with a "Wiccan" have I got the same story twice

FML64128 7

You're a ******* idiot. Firstly, it's pagans, not pegans. Wicca is not a religion of wannabe pagans. You are so fixated on having a long detailed story that you probably missed the common denominators between the different Wiccans you spoke to. Just as there are many denominations of christianity, the are different beliefs among Wiccans. The core beliefs are still there, you just missed it. Just a hint, the number of deity is NOT a fundamental tenet of Wicca. There are many Wiccans who believe in zero, one, or many deities, whereas pagans by definition believe there are at least two.

115- I'm not Wiccan myself, so my familiarity with the faith comes not from personal experience but research, something the fluffy bunny "wiccans" frequently fail to do in any depth. Wicca was developed in the 1950s by Gerald Gardner, drawing from a variety of sources including the works of Aleister

I thought that was normal slumber party stuff?

Crowley and pre-Christian Celtic lore. It has since proliferated into a fairly extensive range of traditions and beliefs, much like the variation in specific beliefs between different Christian sects.

yes, because putting her hand in a cup of warm water isnt weird enough apparently

FML64128 7

Exactly 124. That's modern Wicca anyways. Wicca did exist before then, but no one was really open about being Wiccan (or pagan for that matter) because they were afraid of being killed for their beliefs.

hotPinklipstick 24

Wicca is a nature based religion. Wiccan's don't really worship deities, they honor them. They do however worship nature, which sounds stupid to many people. But without nature we wouldn't be able to survive. We as humans need the plants, trees, sun, etc to live every day. They believe in karma and the rule of three (what you put out into the universe comes back threefold). They believe you should never want to harm others with your craft. Wicca is a peaceful religion based on nature and getting in touch with yourself and the gods and goddesses. Some Wiccan's honor many deities, some only one, some none.

138- What are your sources? I haven't come across references to Wicca existing as such prior to Gardner, but I'd love to expand my knowledge base. 115- "Pagan" is an incredibly broad term, generally accepted as applying to a person following an Indo-European, pre-Christian deity or pantheon, so I'm confused as to exactly how these "true pagans" you've spoken to are all giving you the same stories. Even within my grove, a relatively small group of people worshipping according to the same traditions, we have people from Irish, Norse, Greek, Slavic and Vedic backgrounds with similarly diverse mythologies. When you start pulling from a broader pool, the neo-Pagan community as a whole, the answers you get should diversify as well.

I'd say you're an idiot asshole, but as someone named Juggalette with numbers on the end, I think your life is hard enough. Think of it this way: Christianity has a book, people form congregations to discuss said book, and those congregations got large enough, so they took over the world. Wicca is seen as a crackpot religion and everyone who practices it either gets mocked or punished some other way, and wiccans have an extremely hard time organizing into congregations because of the way most people in America look down on wicca for being either "stupid baby shit" or "not real religion" or "sucking Satan's **** for powers". Wiccans either form very small local covenants, or look for each other on the internet; but teens see wicca as "OMG ILL SUCK SATANS DICK FOR POWERS". Thus, there cannot be a cohesive, widely agreed upon definition of wicca, because 1) congregations aren't allowed to form without public ridicule/punishment, so there is no in-depth discussion of texts and practices, and 2) people consider themselves "experts" on wicca when they are not because the internet told them they were and so spread misinformation.

not freaky, insane. I'd take them to baptised all over.

FML64128 7

143, I'm just referring to the ideas. They're so fundamental that many people will practice 90% of Wicca and call it morals. It did pick up the name Wicca shortly before the Gardnerian time, but the texts they studied to arrive at these conclusions came before them. 141 has it exactly right. Those are beliefs common to all Wiccans.

183- Wicca and Druidry are very similar, but they are two different religions. Wiccans tend to be duotheistic and worship alone or in small, closed rites where druids are usually polytheistic and worship in larger rites open to the public. Severe oversimplification, but I have a character limit...

186- I can accept that logic, thank you. I'm druidic rather than Wiccan, so I'm not as solid on the history and beliefs as I could be.

Haha my goal to piss off random internet twats has been achieved for the week.

It is real, and yep, it's pagan, not pegan... You were probably thinking about pecans, but again, judging by your name "juggalette", i can bet my left nut you're an insane clown posse follower, which means you are a ******* moron by default.

LavenderLunacy14 7

I don't really agree with that. I'm Druid by birth and choice. Not in the least Wiccan. There are some similarities, however Druidic faith has more set guidelines than Wiccan, I believe. Wiccans can find their own path that feels right to them, while there are three main roles or paths you can follow here. Druids have much more history behind them too, although not so known to those who didn't grow up around it. Their tenets are definitely more defined and agreed upon than Wiccans'.

LavenderLunacy14 7

And now ignore this because it's pretty much what Rinceoir89 said. My apologies. :/

rg350dx 29

Call the local priest. If the phone lines mysteriously cut out and you lose power, start throwing crosses at them.

thejewishfuhrer 17

Damn dyslexic kids probably looked up ways to please Satan instead of Santa.

#58, you were beaten by #54... Like word for word

And 54 was the person he threadjacked haha.

rg350dx 29

Inaccurate. I always pay for my tailoring goods.

Time to call Sam and Dean. If we're lucky they'll bring Castiel. You might have a chance then.

You've never watched Supernatural have you.

Wiringify 22

#2. Typical horror movie scenario.

Right now, there are 666 likes on this comment. Haha, amusing.

your face in your pro pic, makes your comment so much better

VIPwhenever 15

I love how you wrote it like it happens all the time

tiptoppc 18

or stan or satin. depends on if they are dyslexic or just can’t spell.

gingaa96 18

She be a witch!! Burn her!! If she weighs more than a duck she be a witch!!

Witchcraft is pretty great and positive thing so not really a problem....more of a good thing really.

133- I know people who are Wiccan and practice witch craft. I didn't say it was bad. I only stated that it was witch craft. That and there are two types of magic. I'm going to assume that OP's daughter was trying out some black magic, hence the reason I said witch craft the way I did.

tiptoppc 18

They looked up the spells on that computer from hell!

Oh come on its not like she is a witch or something

And how do you know that she's not? You know nothing about her except for what OP said...

Sounds like you've been eating old Rye bread...

TallMist 32

Didn't Lara Croft already take the Illuminati down, though?

AnOriginalName 19

Oh, does it compel me? Does it really?

8313girl 28

@79: That movie was crazy funny

Lol some kid did that to me at school as a joke and threw water in my face

saucyrossi 18

Smartass do u even know what exorcism is? -___- It's not that

Smartass do u now wat engllish iz? -__- it's definitely not that.

Smart ass do you know what spelling is it's definitely not that

jazzy_123 20

Smart ass, do you even know what a question mark is? It's not that.

Smarta*s do you know what censorship is? It's definitely not that

guys, guys, it's simple: they've been watching The Craft.