Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I popped something straight out of the oven into my mouth. It burned my tongue instantly, but instead of spitting it out, I swallowed. I felt it burning all the way down. Now I can’t eat solid food or drink hot drinks. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
Burn, burn, burn, the burning ring of fire.
liquidSELECT 0
Your a nice guy for eating it :D your a good guy
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Comments (127)
saIty 17
Well I'm sure your buttocks got a nice poop bath.
glittercookies 12
Ew wtf
perdix 31
Chili doesn't go through your "hole" system in an hour. What you have now is just a little preview of the flaming asshole you'll experience tomorrow. Fire in the hole!!
Miss_Attitude96 24
You're such a good boyfriend! Eating chili that will probably melt away your insides & catch your ass on fire!
jobsman99 0
You should have eaten some ice cream. Then while ******** out that fire you can keep yelling "come on ice cream!".
MrsPegg 45
Your comment made me laugh so hard! Thank you! :)
robb627 0
That blows
THE_A_TEEN 28
Burn, baby burn Asshole inferno Burn, baby burn...
jaredofmo 22
Sounds great! What's the recipe? Seriously, I LOVE spicy hot chili.
xSynergY 8
What a way to 'spice' up your relationship..heyohhhhhh lol
SystemofaBlink41 27
Yeah I guess that was a "hot" night for OP! Oooooooooh.... just kidding this pun sucked lol
sexynarwhal 6
Everything's hotter in Texas
kathuzada 6
That is why nice guys finish last