Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML
Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML
Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
I hope you work at a grocery store. Otherwise this FML goes from kinky to truly bizarre.
ballettillidie 8
Please use the lotion instead.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (78)
tfriend3 15
I swear people are getting weirder by the day. FYL, should've called security on that creep.
_GoodGuy 11
Kinky
ImGucci 8
We need more info
perdix 31
Were they canned or loose? In either case, I sure hope he purchased the sexed-up produce.
Jst4kicks 16
lol at least it wasnt mashed potatoes or something
EmmaMK 35
Gross!
NinjaJellyfish 27
He found them to be peasing...
gracehi 33
I don't know why your comment made me giggle so, but indeed it did.
ManInTheMachine 20
"I said anal BEADS, not PEAS dammit!" That customer needs a hearing aid, and probably some medication.
sptriangle 16
I hope he put the peas back for someone else
RedPillSucks 33
Gak! I can see it now... "Honey! These peas taste funky. Did you marinate these in something?"
Yellow_Fish79 11
Ummm lol well all right then.
aimeegoldberg 22
I find it funny how YDI got 69 votes when i looked at it..