Today, I was with my seven year-old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it. She loudly responded, "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML
Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML
Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML
Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
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Top comments
Lancerman7449 0
this fml makes no sense. its not like anyone in the store knew what she was talkin about.
shmoop 0
i honestly don't understand what this is talking about and why it's an FML...
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Comments (78)
chronicwanker 4
wow thats very creative why would you even think such a thing though really
Own3d55 0
this is the lamest FML ive heard. whoever let this be an FML needs to be put down
spellingbee 0
hahahahahahahahahaha...haha kids these days...lol
Dustyn94 0
thats not even that bad
twihard333 0
this is kind of confuzzlin
artsychik14 0
haha that lil girl is funny. P.S. this place is for comments not long paragraphs that people write to make themselves look smarter
Chocolate_Chunk 2
Just because you're too stupid to read and/or you have a too small attention span doesn't mean everyone else does
artsychik14 0
i didnt know u were sensitive, sorry to hurt ur feelings
melonsmasherrr 0
I don't get it
jkeneda 4
hey it could've been worst... I would've something more like "hide it in your ******, he never goes in there!"
killer6969 16
Hide it in that box of condoms you guys don't use he never goes there!!!!