Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, all so there could be "someone to answer the phone." The phone didn't ring once all day. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I found myself sneaking into my apartment to avoid the old lady who lives next to me. Funnily enough, I moved into my own apartment because I was tired of sneaking into it to avoid my mom, who lived with me. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It really brings my blood to a boil when parents don't give the slightest regards to their children. OP I hope you warm to the idea of disowning such a careless ice-queen.
badbadkitty 5
Wow. Sounds like your mother really cares about your well being! I'm so sorry OP! I'm sure you have friends who care more than your mother!
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Comments (44)
badbadkitty 5
Wow. Sounds like your mother really cares about your well being! I'm so sorry OP! I'm sure you have friends who care more than your mother!
Harpy20 24
I'm sorry OP, she sounds pretty cold.
halzmac 5
Yeah! Op should stay with a friend who actually cares about her!
onlychildFTW 34
Lets hope OP was bad and Santa gives OP a lump of coal!
sens3sfailing 25
I would love being given coal for Christmas! Go sell that shit, then buy something decent for myself!
cathyfang1533 12
Or maybe some One Direction posters?
Byakuren_fml 0
The cans are warmed by my body heat.
onlychildFTW 34
The cans? What???
peachesncreem 21
For some reason, my mind went straight to boobs when I read this :S
peachesncreem 21
Excuse me while I pick up my mind out of the gutter..
ShyAnn29 15
52 I thought the same thing lol
Pleonasm 36
It really brings my blood to a boil when parents don't give the slightest regards to their children. OP I hope you warm to the idea of disowning such a careless ice-queen.
kearsleyz 10
Quality not Quantity*
Pleonasm 36
Who knows. Sometimes we get roaming, vagabond commenters, that post whatever random assortment of words they can come up with from post to post. It's funny sometimes
Ryan_Jaxson 8
And sometimes, these vagabonds wave at you from the bus after taking your spare change.
kearsleyz 10
Pleonasms use of puns on FMLs, some of them are golden, this one, in my opinion felt forced
chocolateisyum 12
Rug up with lots of blankets and jumpers. Spend your time watching movies in bed. But I'm sorry about your mean mother!
onlychildFTW 34
Yes, there right. LOTS IF BLANKETS!!
LanaViolin 10
How the hell does one deserve this?! FYL dude.
Needafarm 22
There are a lot of people out there that think everyone deserves anything they get, good or bad.
onlychildFTW 34
It's the people who just want to do the opposite of the majority. They want to be rebels.
gc327072 31
People who think FTW means "f the world" and not "for the win".
Duladian 19
I'm one of the people who hit 'ydi' Mind you I did not do that on purpose. While using a small touch screen, someone can accidently push the wrong one. This is probably a good number of them for this fml. I've done this a few times over the years.
Needafarm 22
Sorry OP, all the warm thoughts in the world aren't going to keep you from freezing. I'd recommend Booze, but surgery and booze don't mix.
CCSA 12
Booze won't help you either way, with or without surgery. It simply make you feel warmed up for a short period and cause you to lose more body heat over time.
mikesjr 3
Cold hearted bitch
chocolateisyum 12
When your choosing her a retirement home, chuck her in a damp smelly shed and tell her to think clean and warm thoughts.
jdm_powered 6
If you do get abnormally cold, turn the stove on and keep the door open. it may use a lot of electricity but its toasty warm.
CCSA 12
Tried and true!
SquishFish 15
Oh my. Never EVER NEVER use your stove to heat your house! NEVER! Especially if its gas!
RZB 11
Well, think warm!
RZB 11
Looks like 1 person doesn't get sarcasm.
Parky03 9
27- both