By Anonymous

Next!

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1420

You deserved it

260

Favorite

Season finale

Sorry…

Hangry people

By funy_hunie - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1559

You deserved it

220

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25891

You deserved it

9561

Favorite

By muggle68 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36200

You deserved it

8439

Favorite

By grossedoutgirlfriend

Not so normal, no

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2161

You deserved it

308

Favorite

By Ambar - Canada

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28651

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By BowTiesAr3Cool - United States - Irving

Today, the kid who who lives next door and shares a bedroom wall with me got a drum set for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35891

You deserved it

2828

Favorite

By Fat and Embarrassed - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12700

You deserved it

1333

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - South Sioux City

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15641

You deserved it

862

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26834

You deserved it

3117

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Stalker vibes

Today, I had a surprise visitor at my place. A guy I was talking to a few months back. He said he was down my way getting gas and thought he’d stop by. He lives more than 45 minutes from my place, in the opposite direction, with about 20 gas stations between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1101

You deserved it

157

Favorite

I will always be in her thought

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3067

You deserved it

199

Favorite

By potatoebee - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16662

You deserved it

27137

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Whittier

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43356

You deserved it

3019

Favorite

By nothowitworks - United States

Today, I was grounded for allegedly lying to my parents about being at my friend's house, in her outdoor hot tub. Apparently, my parents couldn't find me on Google Earth. I can't convince them that it's not actually a live feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5756

You deserved it

320

Favorite

By panda

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29190

You deserved it

6264

Favorite

By in_side_out - Australia

Today, I received an email saying that the present I ordered for my girlfriend's birthday will be a week late, which makes it a week late for her birthday. I sat down and said we needed to talk, she burst into tears and apologised for 'sleeping with him,' I just wanted to tell her it would be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50389

You deserved it

2862

Favorite

By crazy_mom - United States

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38515

You deserved it

4330

Favorite

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 3/6/2021 11:01

Not what you think

Today, I got an unexpected call from my ex who I'd had been missing. He repeatedly called me a whore for having multiple hotel rooms in the last couple of weeks. I had them because I got a promotion at work and have been working out of town frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

892

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

The Graduate

Today, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. The excitement didn't last too long because I broke my elbow by tripping over a stick at my graduation dinner. Definitely not intoxicated, just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38247

You deserved it

4099

Favorite

By wwasmer - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50776

You deserved it

16839

Favorite

By Sundendako - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41284

You deserved it

3525

Favorite

By Doomy - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10256

You deserved it

29806

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43657

You deserved it

3436

Favorite

By Qwerty - Australia

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34923

You deserved it

5268

Favorite

By S

Today, the district manager visited. Also today, I got called into the office to talk about "personal hygiene". The assistant store manager asked me if I had some kind of medical problem and advised me to shower regularly because my co-workers have been making comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8164

You deserved it

4208

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28259

You deserved it

1682

Favorite

By blondetergent - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31842

You deserved it

15242

Favorite

By Geemeisters - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21989

You deserved it

1817

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5922

You deserved it

869

Favorite

By TeaSea

Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5261

You deserved it

445

Favorite

By KtSue - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23342

You deserved it

1876

Favorite

By well okay then - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53203

You deserved it

4654

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Somerset

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39588

You deserved it

64218

Favorite

By the_music_major - United States

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33372

You deserved it

4069

Favorite

By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34359

You deserved it

3454

Favorite

By kingmetal42 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14952

You deserved it

27796

Favorite

By acme - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22605

You deserved it

2765

Favorite

By Bill Mantie - 18/4/2021 02:00

Turntables

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

916

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By whiteycan'tgetitrightey - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29921

You deserved it

4906

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7899999 - Thursday 23 April 2020 6:26

Fuck! You're not paying me anything and yet I'm reading about your problems.

For free! How is this fair?

By ArtyVand04 | 5

#7900151 - Thursday 23 April 2020 20:02

Why did they do that?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7899999 - Thursday 23 April 2020 6:26

Fuck! You're not paying me anything and yet I'm reading about your problems.

For free! How is this fair?

By ArtyVand04 | 5

#7900151 - Thursday 23 April 2020 20:02

Why did they do that?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7900186 - Thursday 23 April 2020 21:52

Well, did you learn anything about your problems?

By tounces7 | 27

#7900711 - Sunday 26 April 2020 3:20

Maybe this is a sign you need to put in more effort to actually improving yourself.