By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 05:00

Next!

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

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256

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Spooky

Bad news

The end of the road

By Ben - United States - Lansing

Time to grow a beard?

Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall & 9 years old. I'm 6 feet tall & 30 years old. She said having sex with me feel like having sex with her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4832

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449

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By Boltz719 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36477

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3847

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20933

You deserved it

1311

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By Ah piss - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27033

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3875

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By huwauw - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27904

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7301

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By ummno - United States

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42381

You deserved it

13500

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By Anonymous

Alas, poor Mickey

Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into the water container, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1258

You deserved it

194

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By viperplay53 - United States

Today, while working at a McDonald's drive-through, some dicks decided to pull a "fire in the hole" prank. Granted, it has been done to me before, this time was different. These pleasant people decided to use hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31287

You deserved it

2577

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By fat - United States - Lancaster

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46120

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4967

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 20:00

So special

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1767

You deserved it

109

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By ulrika - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18814

You deserved it

4160

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36362

You deserved it

3719

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By jeesh - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7922

You deserved it

89071

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By dwellswithin - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52381

You deserved it

4529

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By Anonymous

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8880

You deserved it

3026

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 23:01

Unwanted

Today, I found out that I was not invited to my grandma's 80th surprise birthday party. I found out about it from my mom who lives out of state. I’m the only immediate family that would've been able to come. Due to coronavirus, I also missed my grandpa's 80th birthday. Guess I’m 2/2 this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1224

You deserved it

108

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By Rin - United States

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31423

You deserved it

6153

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By doomed - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67526

You deserved it

6246

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to visit my grandmother. My grandfather recently died, so I had gotten her a cat for comfort. Turns out in her sadness, she had forgotten about the cat. I found its remains being eaten by ants and birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1811

You deserved it

401

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By mubaki - United States

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56819

You deserved it

4512

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By PeterRabit - Canada

Headshot

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19815

You deserved it

47087

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By GrumpyBunny - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21903

You deserved it

4404

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By itchtoscratch

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14774

You deserved it

3051

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By ... - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32440

You deserved it

2220

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By JWags

Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3404

You deserved it

1459

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By BDSarah

Special

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

117

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32927

You deserved it

48893

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By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48718

You deserved it

3332

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By Anonymous

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

155

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61346

You deserved it

5039

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By honeymoonisover - United States

Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74327

You deserved it

11735

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By BrokeStudentTryingToDoSomethingNice

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10823

You deserved it

1526

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I finally got a job so I could stop missing out on going out with my friends every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way around it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23353

You deserved it

4806

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5975

You deserved it

438

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By Albert - 26/4/2020 17:00

Useless

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

609

You deserved it

1281

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By Sasquatch

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3647

You deserved it

1207

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By Candy - United States

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8329

You deserved it

56427

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By Beeky - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44888

You deserved it

3222

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By randommanwill - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18228

You deserved it

1292

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By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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10655

You deserved it

39244

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7899999 - Thursday 23 April 2020 6:26

Fuck! You're not paying me anything and yet I'm reading about your problems.

For free! How is this fair?

By ArtyVand04 | 5

#7900151 - Thursday 23 April 2020 20:02

Why did they do that?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7899999 - Thursday 23 April 2020 6:26

Fuck! You're not paying me anything and yet I'm reading about your problems.

For free! How is this fair?

By ArtyVand04 | 5

#7900151 - Thursday 23 April 2020 20:02

Why did they do that?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7900186 - Thursday 23 April 2020 21:52

Well, did you learn anything about your problems?

By tounces7 | 27

#7900711 - Sunday 26 April 2020 3:20

Maybe this is a sign you need to put in more effort to actually improving yourself.