By Anonymous - 10/9/2021 17:00

Marriage benefits

Today, my husband told me he’s gay, has a boyfriend and will be living with him, but he wants to stay married because it has good tax benefits, plus our joint mortgage, and if he comes out to his father he’ll be cut from the will. FML
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
By  RichardPencil  |  30

Sounds like he coached you into blackmailing him.

Tell him you'll keep up the charade if he supports you and whatever dude(s) you want to shack up with and gives you a share of his inheritance.

He is preventing you from marrying someone else to keep up the sham, so you are entitled to something.

Watch "Grace and Frankie" for tips.

By  Marcella1016  |  31

Did he know he was gay the whole time and used you as his beard? If so, FYL and that really sucks.

Did he just figure out he was gay and is being extraordinarily practical about everything? FYL too, that also really sucks :( But I guess with the added benefit of getting some tax savings if you stay married.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope you figure out the best way to approach everything - staying together “on paper” for tax purposes, or divorcing because a clean cut would be better for your mental health.

My sympathies for his issue with his dad, but I don’t think that’s your responsibility to help him cover and it shouldn’t be a factor in any decision you make. People get divorced all the time, and divorcing you wouldn’t mean he needs to come out to his dad. And it’s unfair for him to expect you to stay married to cover for him. If you want to for other reasons, that’s fine, but I don’t think being his beard should be one.

Good luck, and sorry again that you got blindsided with this :(

COMMENTS
By  Marcella1016  |  31

Did he know he was gay the whole time and used you as his beard? If so, FYL and that really sucks.

Did he just figure out he was gay and is being extraordinarily practical about everything? FYL too, that also really sucks :( But I guess with the added benefit of getting some tax savings if you stay married.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope you figure out the best way to approach everything - staying together “on paper” for tax purposes, or divorcing because a clean cut would be better for your mental health.

My sympathies for his issue with his dad, but I don’t think that’s your responsibility to help him cover and it shouldn’t be a factor in any decision you make. People get divorced all the time, and divorcing you wouldn’t mean he needs to come out to his dad. And it’s unfair for him to expect you to stay married to cover for him. If you want to for other reasons, that’s fine, but I don’t think being his beard should be one.

Good luck, and sorry again that you got blindsided with this :(

Reply
  kfchicken  |  31

there's absolutely nothing extraordinary practical about finding out your husband is cheating on you. actually id say it's the opposite of practical.

By  RichardPencil  |  30

Sounds like he coached you into blackmailing him.

Tell him you'll keep up the charade if he supports you and whatever dude(s) you want to shack up with and gives you a share of his inheritance.

He is preventing you from marrying someone else to keep up the sham, so you are entitled to something.

Watch "Grace and Frankie" for tips.

By  DoctorPALO  |  14

If you want to stay married to him, make SURE it is what YOU want. You don't have to cover for him and you certainly don't owe him anything. You don't have to keep a house if you don't want to pay the mortgage. Make YOUR decisions based on YOUR needs, not his. You owe him nothing.

By  Bogrbon  |  24

Divorce his ass and get yourself tested. No reason for you to stay with him when he's already checked out, and has been lying to you all along. Plus he cheated.