Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "No worries" to mean "Don't give a shit about anything." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML
Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I told her that I'd never watched The Lion King. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML
Today, while babysitting a young girl, I put on the movie Bambi, as she told me it was her favorite movie. I didn't know that her parents always skipped the scene where Bambi's mom dies. Despite my attempts to comfort her, she was still upset when her parents returned. Her mom blamed me. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
Jowisee 29
When she asks for something, tell her Hakuna Matata. She'll soon get the idea!
lat187 18
What a wonderful phrase!
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Comments (61)
ezrajab 22
Smart kid
faifai_fml 21
I guess we know what's going to happen when she asks you about dinner.
wordygirl 11
You better nip that right now. Once she's on the path to this attitude.. which is a beautiful saying...reality will hit her something fierce. Life is nothing but a bunch of worries, that are inescapable!
shortcake18 15
Put your foot down
fmylifegshit 10
That's so funny! Lol
techiejames 8
Nip it now. Spanking, loss of privelages, taking away her television, etc.
MrZsDad 19
That is awesome.
phreaker913 21
that IS what it means. have you seen the movie? up until simba they are the most relaxed, uncaring mofos in the entire disney universe. before simba, timon and pumba are basically bush and obama
writerchic85 26
When she wants dinner serve her a plate of worms and say "slimy yet satisfying!"
takara98 17
Is that not what it means?