Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while I was brushing my teeth, my 5 year old-son walked into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That's Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I've been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML
Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
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Top comments
elainelovesyou 7
Just give her a new one.
DocBastard 40
Pick your battles. She will forget about it soon. But the more you push, the more she will push back and the longer she will remember.
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Comments (102)
holymolybro 0
No, it sounds like you do have a bitch.
YayaInLalaLand 0
Kids these days.
mintcar 10
You can either: A) Buy her a new toothbrush and be done with the situation or B) Tell her that she has no other choice but to use the toothbrush because mommy isn't buying her a new one. ( If she's not a little brat, then she might actually get over it. )
momianajones 0
your kid is a brat and you are not very intelligent. grab a brain before your kid gets any older.
rattusrattus 19
When you said "used it on the dog" I thought you mean used it to brush the dog's fur... *facedeskheadpalm*
Maflagulator 1
Mothers should eat their young. Especially this one.
sweet_blue 3
your picture made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. just sayn
Maflagulator 1
I gots the Keg, baby!! ;)
kykyshay 0
many many other girls are barfing at this moment.
cupcakemonster10_fml 0
weird!!! that Is one f'd up dream lol!
Tweety122888 0
maybe she wants a dog?
tophatprincess 0
You must b a pretty passive person if u let ur 5 year old beat u with a pillow and refuse to brush her teeth.
OCDC 9
What are you supposed to do, shove the toothbrush in her mouth? I know from past experience that won't go over well. And OP woke up to being hit with a pillow, meaning she was asleep when her daughter began.
khaya 9
five year olds are awesome, I can't get away with shit like that nowadays.