By newguy - United States

Hazing rituals

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44089

You deserved it

4783

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Vulture

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous

No one likes a smart-ass

Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2133

You deserved it

841

Tweet

Share

By Loveandpoetry

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38759

You deserved it

5346

Tweet

Share

By Tristan Brantley - United States

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36811

You deserved it

3363

Tweet

Share

By 1meme129 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22229

You deserved it

1590

Tweet

Share

By WTF? - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51802

You deserved it

8158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48426

You deserved it

2764

Tweet

Share

By ripped - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13747

You deserved it

1351

Tweet

Share

By implantme

Give Me Novacaine

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2990

You deserved it

229

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33347

You deserved it

4314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 00:30

Home to roost

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling several people that my fiancé and I will be moving into her house for the foreseeable future. All because we're moving to a city close by for jobs and are still searching for housing. I found this out from several of the people she told. FML

I agree, your life sucks

751

You deserved it

71

Tweet

Share

By I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40141

You deserved it

2768

Tweet

Share

By lawdwhy

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2984

You deserved it

462

Tweet

Share

By chubbyg - Australia - Clarinda

Today, my boyfriend asked me when I was going to shave my arms now that summer is coming in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35255

You deserved it

6435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my co-worker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she goes to the manager and accuses me of sexual harassment. Everyone applauded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54916

You deserved it

3919

Tweet

Share

By bibi - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31513

You deserved it

2673

Tweet

Share

By ugh mom! - 22/4/2020 20:00

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Today, my ridiculously paranoid mom was almost arrested after she caused a huge scene outside her apartment's leasing office. She demanded to pay her rent with a money order, even though they’re only accepting online payments due to the quarantine. She thinks they’re trying to steal her information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1776

You deserved it

175

Tweet

Share

By tLee - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41322

You deserved it

4528

Tweet

Share

By michelle - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23222

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By buttpain

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5954

You deserved it

1024

Tweet

Share

By Cian_1 - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18275

You deserved it

6523

Tweet

Share

By sad - United States

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69240

You deserved it

4148

Tweet

Share

By FranticFarAwayDaughter

Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4619

You deserved it

201

Tweet

Share

By impishsamaritan

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1499

You deserved it

299

Tweet

Share

By Jer - United States

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38331

You deserved it

8911

Tweet

Share

By oh.geez - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27069

You deserved it

4866

Tweet

Share

By mottephobe - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23340

You deserved it

36824

Tweet

Share

By haunted - United States - Gainesville

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26467

You deserved it

2400

Tweet

Share

By ohhaithur

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2384

You deserved it

88

Tweet

Share

By ParkerRommel - United States

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25876

You deserved it

6968

Tweet

Share

By avaiia - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14649

You deserved it

1578

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 14:01

Thanks Dad

Today, I was cleaning out my deceased father's closet and found 4 boxes of BDSM porn videos, magazines and DVDs. To save his dignity, I hid them in my room to throw away on garbage day. My mom found the boxes in my room and now wants me to go to therapy. I'm only 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1423

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/2/2021 00:30

Sandwiches rule

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1363

You deserved it

70

Tweet

Share

By Vic - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38212

You deserved it

4005

Tweet

Share

By author - United States - Sicklerville

Today, I was at the fish store asking if they were hiring. My stepdad decided to humiliate me by screaming at them repeatedly that I'm a good person and that I deserve the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40888

You deserved it

3715

Tweet

Share

By Pancakegirl - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46725

You deserved it

4019

Tweet

Share

By lug_nut - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30179

You deserved it

3299

Tweet

Share

By son - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27145

You deserved it

4256

Tweet

Share

By NoHipster - 3/6/2020 05:02

Crazy people

Today, while I was waiting for a bus, a nutjob-looking dude walked up to me, then hissed, "You hipster scum, you don't even need those glasses," before forcibly removing them and snapping them in half. I was wearing regular clothes, and those prescription glasses cost me $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1996

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 23:01

Caught spunk-handed

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

614

You deserved it

1992

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 20:01

Creepy

Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so having a friend nearby is a huge win for her. What my wife doesn’t know is that her new friend keeps hitting on me, and has already sent me unsolicited nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1824

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By happyvalleygirl | 0

#525092 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:28

fast food industry ftw

By Kamazar | 0

#525096 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:28

Run before he brings out the horseradish!

COMMENTS

By CL41RE | 0

#525091 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Poke_my_mon | 0

#525178 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:48

Don't worry, I won't do it!

This kind of enviornment is the BEST. Get through the hazing, and then its your turn to haze new people. If the manager is throwing ketchup packets, they're probably a chill manager, which is rare. Put your big boy panties on and man up, you ponty.

Reply

CL41RE | 0

#525255 - Sunday 30 August 2009 2:17

Ok sorry about the rude comment but I hate it when people freak out just because someone calls first. It's more annoying than the first person.

Reply

W33nie | 0

#525603 - Sunday 30 August 2009 4:56

yeah they're real whiners

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#525649 - Sunday 30 August 2009 5:12

So now that we've all established that you're annoying, let's carry on with our day, shall we?

Reply

CL41RE | 0

#525912 - Sunday 30 August 2009 7:03

Really.

Reply

falconxvi | 0

#526188 - Sunday 30 August 2009 9:02

hahah ketchup throw =p haha u just got ur period all over ur face in ketchup lalaal woo

Reply

caelun | 0

#992800 - Friday 14 May 2010 5:14

ahhahahhahaha

Reply

jjessen | 20

#5187371 - Monday 26 November 2012 16:06

77 there are so many things wrong with you sentence I don't know where to begin

Reply

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5444881 - Thursday 11 April 2013 23:40

#77 you're 20. Act like it. this is coming from a girl 3 years younger than you.

By happyvalleygirl | 0

#525092 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:28

fast food industry ftw

Reply

cwl727 | 32

#5897695 - Thursday 27 March 2014 22:58

What makes you think it was the fast food industry?

Reply

wchil | 14

#6355924 - Monday 20 July 2015 14:42

how do you know how old he is?

By Kamazar | 0

#525096 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:28

Run before he brings out the horseradish!

By plexico | 3

#525103 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:30

Day 4 Hazing in Ohio restaurants involves anal rape. Good luck with that.

Reply

screwtaylor | 0

#525116 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:32

I bet Plexico wishes he could help with the anal raping, huh? :P

Reply

plexico | 3

#525749 - Sunday 30 August 2009 5:42

You'd lose.

That's why I left Ohio before I had to take a restaurant job!

FYI: Anal virginity intact. Yours?

Reply

YDIBITCHES | 0

#526298 - Sunday 30 August 2009 10:41

All hail Plexico FML GOD!!!!! I am not worthy thee is almighty god of life

Reply

YDIBITCHES | 0

#526301 - Sunday 30 August 2009 10:45

Screwtalor ultimate bitch of plexico. join the plexico religion

Reply

null_fml | 11

#526332 - Sunday 30 August 2009 11:20

Wow, I knew plexico had a fanclub, but a religion??

Reply

acd23 | 0

#527316 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:52

Wait, there's a fan club? How do I join? :P

By allysonnn | 0

#525119 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:32

throw a potato at them

By Mefreh | 0

#525132 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:34

I moderated this, and said no.
THIS ISN'T FUINNY.

Reply

tubesocks_ | 0

#525173 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:46

So did I. I normally only say 'Yes' to the ones that make me laugh. This one just made me feel bad for the guy.

Reply

hannah_elizabeth_fml | 7

#2291639 - Monday 4 April 2011 9:05

Agreed. this guy needs to grow a pair

By Consequences | 0

#525136 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:35

Report him to the district manager. That'll learn him. Even if he WANTED to join in, he should have faked maturity and acted like a manager.

Reply

liveandletlive89 | 0

#525435 - Sunday 30 August 2009 3:53

Don't listen to this guy. If assholes keep reporting everything, no one will have any fun.

Reply

liveandletlive89 | 0

#525471 - Sunday 30 August 2009 4:11

Wait, I replied to the wrong one. sorry, miss.

By Daaniellee1234 | 8

#525140 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:35

bummer.

By itzmeee | 0

#525154 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:39

That's hilarious and sad. Depending on where you work, I'd probably quit. No one wants a boss and coworkers like that.

By alex_vik | 0

#525170 - Sunday 30 August 2009 1:45

Wow, I'd quit that job right away.