Dogs and Weddings: Good boy

The best man's speech better have some good jokes. If I was you, I'd ditch the guy and marry the dog. Doesn't the maid of honour traditionally dance with the best man? How's she gonna feel about that?

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The Top

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 906

You deserved it 74 254

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 514

You deserved it 2 171

The Top

Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 961

You deserved it 298

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 56 238

Today, I’m sitting in my living room, smelling onions frying. My house is all closed up. I’m not cooking anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 167

Today, I showed up to a meeting without my pants and had to pretend it was part of my outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 968

Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a problem, so I went back to the front desk. “Excuse me, but there’s already someone in my room!” The reply I got was, “So, what’s the problem?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 49

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 007

You deserved it 38 262