By night_fox88 - 27/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1989

You deserved it

203

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Miscellaneous

DINOSAURS!!

Tidy your room

Higher standards

By 41k312 - 1/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8671

You deserved it

3536

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By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - 1/1/2015 00:52 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32217

You deserved it

2637

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By barbieissocute - 1/2/2016 03:27 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17459

You deserved it

6600

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By goodbye sweet internet - 6/7/2013 18:23 - Greece - Athens

Today, after playing numerous games of poker against my friend, and him telling me that I'm the best poker player he's ever met, I went out and played for real money. I got totally destroyed, lost all of my money, and was laughed out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25323

You deserved it

49975

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By jimmy - 30/11/2015 21:27 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23865

You deserved it

2450

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By pantyripper - 24/3/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34237

You deserved it

21554

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By Leaving Early Fail - 12/1/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17141

You deserved it

11478

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By ifmlftw - 22/6/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38966

You deserved it

3042

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By oD_Ronan - 29/8/2013 07:39 - United States - Olympia

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41197

You deserved it

4499

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2013 05:28 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56595

You deserved it

11603

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26736

You deserved it

3016

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By parental failure - 3/3/2013 17:03 - Canada - Langley

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49866

You deserved it

7455

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By shitfaced - 18/9/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22549

You deserved it

9374

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By exposed - 15/3/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16660

You deserved it

35436

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By ahdeadcats - 31/8/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

I agree, your life sucks

42078

You deserved it

3739

Favorite

By Eskyew - 23/7/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43537

You deserved it

8969

Favorite

By batman123 - 21/2/2009 02:42 - Canada

Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

I agree, your life sucks

48996

You deserved it

3470

Favorite

By SteamLass765 - 13/8/2015 09:58

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26660

You deserved it

1751

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50176

You deserved it

12791

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By musicyman55 - 19/12/2009 07:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36526

You deserved it

3032

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By Banana - 4/12/2012 16:04 - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33827

You deserved it

6869

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By XRayXLopez1 - 20/9/2016 03:31 - United States - Dallas

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12363

You deserved it

1477

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 03:46 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21049

You deserved it

1811

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 19:00

No Chick-Hating on Easter!

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

5254

You deserved it

689

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29633

You deserved it

3728

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 20:36 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38127

You deserved it

5367

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By Snowtoe - 14/1/2017 14:00

Today, I'm at my grandparents' house to help clear snow. I was making a path to the driveway by pushing the snow out of the way. I saw a big pile and went to kick it really hard. Alas, it was a step. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6350

You deserved it

3089

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By longdrive - 25/7/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28969

You deserved it

3549

Favorite

By nowork - 28/8/2013 03:21 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59184

You deserved it

7703

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By StillPissedOffAtIrony - 6/9/2014 17:25 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49124

You deserved it

3734

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24641

You deserved it

3574

Favorite

By CapitolSouthSux - 19/9/2013 12:54 - United States

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40997

You deserved it

3956

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By clumsy - 4/1/2011 15:47

Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35128

You deserved it

4680

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33894

You deserved it

8519

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By Noname - 3/2/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30610

You deserved it

7750

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By outoflove - 30/6/2014 21:06 - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60564

You deserved it

4365

Favorite

By textfail - 28/2/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31005

You deserved it

103820

Favorite

By loser - 29/10/2008 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said "oh, and now you look more handsome". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16310

You deserved it

41927

Favorite

By peteto818 - 18/12/2014 17:59 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35835

You deserved it

5371

Favorite

By lol - 25/1/2012 15:54 - Canada

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9015

You deserved it

30271

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Top comments

By jriley4u | 17

#7877381 - Monday 27 January 2020 8:34

Neckless = no neck
Necklace= jewelry worn around the neck

By RebeccaMcQ | 14

#7877367 - Monday 27 January 2020 7:42

Go back to school pls

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7877359 - Monday 27 January 2020 7:01

Salt?

That's no good for demonic possession. Tell your idiot grandmother to watch "The Exorcist" to know what the fuck to do!

By RebeccaMcQ | 14

#7877367 - Monday 27 January 2020 7:42

Go back to school pls

By jriley4u | 17

#7877381 - Monday 27 January 2020 8:34

Neckless = no neck
Necklace= jewelry worn around the neck

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7877410 - Monday 27 January 2020 10:43

It sounds like she may have some form of mental disorder such as hyperreligiousity if such a small act can trigger such a response.

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7877429 - Monday 27 January 2020 12:14

time for gam gam to go to a mental facility

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7877434 - Monday 27 January 2020 13:00

What did you do?
Your grandmother is either super religious or has been watching to much supernatural.

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7877448 - Monday 27 January 2020 14:28

The bigger crime is your spelling of necklace.

By Vern Ehlers | 5

#7877456 - Monday 27 January 2020 15:04

Have her arrested and charged with assault.

ThrottleJockey | 34

#7877847 - Tuesday 28 January 2020 21:07

Don't you mean assalt?

By ojosRojos | 28

#7877766 - Tuesday 28 January 2020 14:22

“Neckless” lmao

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7877921 - Wednesday 29 January 2020 2:19

Have the fruitcake committed.