Today, I hooked up with a guy. After sex, I found him washing his penis with BLEACH. I asked what the hell he was doing; apparently his mother makes him do it because sex is sinful and dirty, and all unmarried women have STDs. WHAT THE… FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML
Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML
Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML
Today, my boyfriend learned about my filthy fetishes in the worst way possible. He found me naked in the bathroom, licking the dirty toilet seat. I couldn't even make an excuse. FML
Today, after I hooked up with a guy the other night and we had lots of fun, (or so I thought), I woke up to a text saying, “I feel worthless and disgusting after having sex.” He said he was a virgin and he’s a Christian. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML
Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
poopface82 25
This is a person who is in need of some intense therapy. I mean, who the **** tells their kid to wash their junk with bleach for any reason at all?
FluffythePink 24
Run TF away really, REALLY fast.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
So you've been Clorox-blocked?
FluffythePink 24
Run TF away really, REALLY fast.
poopface82 25
This is a person who is in need of some intense therapy. I mean, who the **** tells their kid to wash their junk with bleach for any reason at all?
JasonThorn 23
Someone with a twisted version of sex or who uses the sociopathic method to make sure he doesn't practice procreation enough to get good at it.
Yudith 28
I'd like to see the urologist's face when he explains why his penis has become white and irritated and he can't have sex anymore.