Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML
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Top comments
iOceanus 18
Poop a watermelon. Your poop will definitely win!
Ambient25 25
I pooped a Nickelback album once...it still sounded the same
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Comments (78)
Soloman212 28
RIP
papasik 6
Die Vater furzt, die Kinder lachen, so kann man billig Freude machen. The daddy farts, the kids laugh - thus one can make cheap fun. At least your kids will love to stay with Gramps cuz he's hilarious. Be prepared for fart jokes at home, though.
liverpooly44 8
Good thing it was a picture!
M3DIC4T3 29
That's so disgusting I can't even begin to comprehend this....
CreepySpectre 3
Well,did it look like a banana ?
linjizzy 6
I envy the family you get to be apart of
the_loveliest3 6
what are you marrying into? lol.
megmichelle45 3
oh c'mon, at least they know how to laugh at each other.
LyraAlluse 25
Well, nothing wrong with admiring the wonders of the human digestive system.
SammiixSue 13
...are you sure you want to marry into this family?