Family denial

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 06:00

Spicy
Today, after years of being guilted for never attending family gatherings, I told my aunt that seeing her son’s face is triggering for me, because he sexually assaulted me as a child and our family swept it under the rug, and acted like it never happened. She told me to grow up, and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 680
You deserved it 118

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mccuish 25

Stay far away from family gatherings

justwanttobesocial...butalsonot 6

May be time to cut them off entirely. Block those toxic assholes and build a chosen family. This is seriously awful and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. If you have the means, consider therapy to help with the trauma and enforcing boundaries based on your values. If you decide to opt for therapy, here are some general tips: When looking for a therapist, do your research just as when looking for a regular doctor. There's different modalities. To name a few that have pretty solid research behind them: -Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) -Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) -Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) -Emotion-Focused Therapy Remember that any therapist you find is working for *you*. You are allowed to ask for their qualifications, certifications, schooling, etc. You are allowed to tell them no. A very important question to ask them is if they *also* see a therapist. Any therapist that tells you they don't need their own therapist probably isn't a very good one.

Comments

mccuish 25

Stay far away from family gatherings

justwanttobesocial...butalsonot 6

May be time to cut them off entirely. Block those toxic assholes and build a chosen family. This is seriously awful and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. If you have the means, consider therapy to help with the trauma and enforcing boundaries based on your values. If you decide to opt for therapy, here are some general tips: When looking for a therapist, do your research just as when looking for a regular doctor. There's different modalities. To name a few that have pretty solid research behind them: -Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) -Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) -Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) -Emotion-Focused Therapy Remember that any therapist you find is working for *you*. You are allowed to ask for their qualifications, certifications, schooling, etc. You are allowed to tell them no. A very important question to ask them is if they *also* see a therapist. Any therapist that tells you they don't need their own therapist probably isn't a very good one.

I was thinking this also.

I am so sorry OP. I am not trying to defend the OP’s family, in fact I don’t like how they handled things. I am saying after decades of therapy I have an idea of how they may be thinking because I have been through this myself with my own family. Sometimes our brain just shuts down when we go through something traumatic. It’s the fight, flight or freeze response. Sometimes something is so awful it is easier to pretend it didn’t happen than to face it. Maybe the Aunt would rather deny it than believe she raised a monster because that would mean in her mind that she not only failed her niece and her family but her son as well. The problem with this thinking is she is doing him an injustice by invalidating her niece and validating his destructive behaviors.

Oh wow. You a have contact with them after they swiped it under rug? You're close enough for them to ask you why you don't visit? Maybe time to cut your losses instead of holding it against them. You cannot have it both ways. Also what does it mean they swipe it.under rig? Did you not report it? If it's so well known in fa.ily and nobody did anything then why are you still in contact with them? I would publicly humiliate all of my.family openly regardless of who they are for me if they did that. Pro tip: report them all, cut all ties with them, move away and live.for.ypurself. I haven't forgiven my family since I was 9urs old, and I just got hit once. I haven't seen those family members for over two decades. No regrets, they probably abusing and beating their own children. My mum saw my dad hitting me once, then she took the belt and beat the bastard while chasing him out. Then we left and never turned back. And your family let the abuse happen and then make it out to be nothing and then also pester you to take part in family. This is so wrong and I have no idea what keeps you close to them, his ugly face, his parents, your parents? Is there a really one Saint on that family that supports and respects you? And doesn't have any knowledge of your experience?

emmalou 16

I hope you can take that and walk away with no guilt now and cut ties

If she's unwilling to face reality, she's the one that has some growing up to do. This is not how a mature and responsible adult behaves. Maybe she needs to hear that before you cut off contact entirely.