Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML
Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML
Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
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Top comments
sansteth94 0
tell him to PISS off...your leg lol
mfmylifesrsly 30
What the world doesn't need is your lack of spelling and grammar.
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Comments (203)
AJMILLERMAN 2
why were you drawing blood from drunk people?
alexxss_fml 10
Where the heck do you work that there are so many drunk people???
Capt_Oblivious 10
Uh oh, urine trouble.
nerdsgetmehot 23
I'm so tired that at first I thought you were insinuating that you're a vampire. Then I realized that you're likely a phlebotomist.
cheer4ever96 8
wow...where do you work? that is disgusting!
143ForeverNAlway 4
What the **** were you doing!?!
Melaniecuteypie 0
Wow jejejjejeje kinda funny but sad for u
boner27 0
shitty for u
Barney_Rubble_75 0
the things you vampires have to put up with ever since the Japanese invented 'Tru Blood'!
diabian 9
golden shower...