Today, I’m dating a petite girl, and I've had fantasies of picking her up and fucking her in midair. I attempted to try this fantasy last night. I'm now in the hospital with broken and bruised ribs and tailbone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML
Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML
Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML
Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
I don’t think **** is supposed to be a how-to, friend.
Chazzster 32
And now OP has hopefully learned that **** is not real life… I hope your girlfriend was not injured! Seriously, just because you see something in a video, movie, or TV does not mean that you can do that. Those **** actors who do that probably spend much of their time working out and building strength and coordination…
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Comments (7)
Anderling 33
I don’t think **** is supposed to be a how-to, friend.
Chazzster 32
And now OP has hopefully learned that **** is not real life… I hope your girlfriend was not injured! Seriously, just because you see something in a video, movie, or TV does not mean that you can do that. Those **** actors who do that probably spend much of their time working out and building strength and coordination…
RichardPencil 32
You must have some hang time! If you can complete the act during a jump, that's definitely too quick. The only way to safely act out your fantasy is on a plane (with neither of you piloting). You can do that with a woman of any size.
Brightside86 31
Doesn't matter had sex!
BurnInDemonFire 39
No he didn't. Do you not know the meaning of the word "attempted"?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Save it for the bed, old timer.
idragosani 17
There was a Mythbusters episode where they were testing to see if someone could get a car up on just two wheels and drive it around, like they do in the movies. They determined that a novice could not do it a on first try and it requires a trained stunt driver... which is what they use in the movies, of course. I imagine this same logic can be applied to these kinds of exotic positions in **** movies
Marea90h 14
you gotta utilize a wall !