Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
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Top comments
plaguer 26
Actually a lot of girls get breast reductions because incredibly large breasts can hurt the back.
yuzuhere 21
Maybe he was reading the fine print!
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Comments (86)
EpicSquishii 21
Oh my God! A guy looked at my **** and made up an excuse!!! My life sucks! **** it. **** my life
singingindasnow 0
Maybe your the only one who can't read it and the jokes on you ;)
Crazberry 5
This is why I'm glad I'm pear shaped... I haven't seen any fmls that have gone like, "Today, I caught _____ staring at my birthing hips and now I feel degraded and misused".
kaymi 17
But then you just get the comments about those child rearing hips. I have to tell men to back up, I'm not ready to procreate at least not with you. Lol. I rather get the stares: no conversation required.
Crazberry 5
Actually no one has made any comments like that to me. And if people stare I'm sure not aware of it :P The only reason I know I have birthing hips is because a guy I'm seeing has told me several times how much he likes them lol
pdp_fml 21
Please stop sweating about this co-worker staring at your boobs. Now that you have mentioned it to him, he will probably be shamed into not looking anymore.
Haylzzzmuzzicc 1
Thats kinda not a fml
HerrBawl 4
Don't be a pussy. This seems legit.
ant1ion 12
Huh?
gabe222 25
What kind of excuse is that. My poor excuse would be, "I'm sorry, I was trying not to stare at your gorgeous face and I guess I chose the wrong thing to look at." Or, "Im sorry, I just kinda zoned out."
j_cat187 20
Or my favorite; "Holy ****, you have a nice rack."
omgitsmeg 8
poor excuse!
HerrBawl 4
OP, are you sure you didn't have a huge amount of dandruff that may have looked like writing?
spottyblanket 8
Evedryone takes a peak OP, but if he was staring obviously for a prolonged time then that isn't on. Speak to a higher up