Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. We were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say, "I love you". So I told him to, "say it already." Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it, she picked it up, put it down, and said "No". Then she started to eat her dessert. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
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Top comments
jackson7787 0
Ha, someone's not getting anything tonight anymore.
greenfairy_fml 0
damn, the stories on here about what guys say to their girlfriends make me feel really glad I'm single
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Comments (97)
TheBigDawg 8
When are women going to realize that most guys, myself included, simply can *not* pick up on hints like that. When a woman says "I'm fine," she's more than often not. "Don't get me anything for (whatever occasion)" says "Get me something nice." Ladies, just do us males a favor and don't hint, just come right out and say "You. Me. Bed. Now." We'll both be happier that way.
ggen 0
#63 has a point, I have to admit. Sometimes I hint at stuff and my bf won't get it. And he's a sensitive and smart guy. Women DO have different lingo than men. But for marshmallowssss, that is harsh if it wasn't a joke and I hope you got him back for it.
fuckmylife13_fml 0
hahahahahaha that's funny!!!! but maybe you really don't need it...
Rantie 0
Nice try on your part. FAIL on his
BillieJ 0
Wow, I hate the comment feature. FML should just get rid of it, it's just an excuse for people to be assholes anonymously, and start pointless fights.
moonlight_daze 8
Then don't read them. (Or post them).
katherinebby17 28
even if thats true that wasnt a nice way of saying it
kimpylump 0
Frankly I'm surprised a fat chick even got a date. Dang congrats on that. Blind date or something... But seriously even though you got past dinner you weren't going to make it to the bedroom. Go on a diet.
wowwcaazoww 0
Some of the people commenting on this FML are bastards. she could be fat, she could be slim...either way the boyfriend is a bit of a jack ass for saying it regardless. and who the **** doesnt pick up on the sexy tone?
thecoldhardtruth 0
YDI for apparently not knowing the definition of "seductively"
vanessa_d15 0
RUDE. sometimes guys don't think.