Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. We were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say, "I love you". So I told him to, "say it already." Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it, she picked it up, put it down, and said "No". Then she started to eat her dessert. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
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Top comments
jackson7787 0
Ha, someone's not getting anything tonight anymore.
greenfairy_fml 0
damn, the stories on here about what guys say to their girlfriends make me feel really glad I'm single
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Comments (97)
BeautyAndBrains 0
#29, I hate assholes like you who think there is something wrong with people who are overweight. Clearly you are not overweight, and have never been overweight, and therefore have no idea how a comment like that will make a person feel. Put a sock in it.
dippindot001 0
i did not say there is anything wrong with overweight people anywhere in my comment but it is in her control that she is overweight. which means she deserved that comment, b/c it is something that she can control. Also, she can control the boyfriend she has. So regardless, she deserved it.
LittleMissMack 0
Kudos #33 Andddd #32 - I used to be a heavy girl so yes I do know how comments like this can make someone feel. But it was also a comment like this that made me realize I was unhealthy and needed to revamp my lifestyle, eating, and exercise.
Nofuckyourlife 1
There is something wrong with being fat, it's unattractive and unhealthy. Don't take your own shortcomings out on other people.
amandacarolxxoo 3
omggg, wow i cant lie, i did laugh, but wow thats harsh, and i do know how that feels...hopefully he'll get the catch next time...
alex_vik 1
#30 - So ******* true.
inktree 0
No, being fat isn't unhealthy. The problems ASSOCIATED with being overweight are unhealthy--overeating, lack of exercise, etc. #26 is probably a lot less healthy than many overweight people.
withoutpassports 0
I totally had this happen to me. Except I didn't catch the drift.
damnn_it 0
he's watching out for you so u don't get too big
Shadic 0
If you're fat, you're overweight. Why argue semantics? Either way, you're not anywhere near "regular" physical conditioning if you're fat, either.
auntiemonster 4
If you are fat you are overweight. I am overweight but not fat. I am about twenty pounds overweight but everyone always tells me I look skinny. Not fat. I control how much I eat and also how much I exercise. I realize what a lot of people dont. If you eat all day and rarely exercise you will be fat.