Today, my dad bought a Bible. He's completely illiterate and is basing his religious beliefs off people on TV saying "It's in the Bible." I miss bacon and am tired of explaining to people that he's an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son announced he was leaving our religion. I told him that, as sad I was, that I accepted and loved him. He seemed disappointed, and I noticed him discreetly fiddling with a camera. A little snooping led me to his Reddit account, where he called us all, "inbred, illiterate, bible-thumpers." FML
Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in The Bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ubehage 32
Take some time off to read the Bible with him some day. Start from page one, and read EVERYTHING! Ask him to think about it and what it means on the way. Remind him of contradictions in earlier verses, and demand that he thinks about it. There is no other way to wake people up from religious brainwashing.
poopface82 25
One can use religion to justify wonderful things or shitty things. Religion, like power, does not build character. It reveals it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
Ubehage 32
Take some time off to read the Bible with him some day. Start from page one, and read EVERYTHING! Ask him to think about it and what it means on the way. Remind him of contradictions in earlier verses, and demand that he thinks about it. There is no other way to wake people up from religious brainwashing.
Chazzster 32
Only one problem with that - Reading the Bible cover to cover takes a very long time and you start with the most mythical portion of the Bible and the least relevant to today or being a Christian. Either OP or their Dad would give up the readings far before it would do much good. Part of the root problem is that Dad is illiterate and relies on what other people “in authority” tell him his “beliefs” are or are supposed to be. Rather than dump the problem in OP’s lap to read 783,137 words and explain the meaning and inconsistencies to Dad; Dad needs to learn to read and to understand what he reads. I fully agree that “The Bible” can be used to justify almost any position you’ve already decided on - All you need to do is to cherry pick the segments that meet your preferences.
poopface82 25
One can use religion to justify wonderful things or shitty things. Religion, like power, does not build character. It reveals it.
Brightside86 31
Damn that's well worded.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Amen to this (no pun intended).
2deployments1divorce 11
The Bible is okay with you having bacon. Have a nice weekend.