Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML
Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta diner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML
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Top comments
youaresofucked 0
mothers shouldn't dress af if they're 17 all oveer agian. FY bf's L
Tucatz 0
Let me guess- you were wearing a corduroy jumper with a floral print turtleneck, a headband, a small gold cross on a thin chain worn outside of the turtleneck and thick-soled slip-on shoes, right? The classic I-hate-sex look? Were you also carrying your bible so you could lead the prayers before the meal? Sounds like his mom just likes to dress up a bit. Judge not.
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Comments (106)
live2lovebella 0
Carma, carma, carma...
Funtertaining11 0
Smooth, dude. That's why we think before we speak(;
amaneylandx3 0
hahahaha he was prolly all like....."that's my mother....." lmfaooooo
JSmith08 0
i think his mom is actually a stripper
mrmango 0
At least you're not a walrus.
kissmyass_fml 0
hahahaha what was his response?
VampJesus 0
is his mom seeing anybody?
dizzzane 0
i new the outcome of this corny story mid-way through... all these stories are so predictable. Is there a moderator that looks at all of the submitted stories and formats them in a certain way? all these shitty stories always have some final sentence that is supposed to emphasize how unfortunate the author is... "i got a boner. i was wearing gym shorts." or " my parents bought my sister a cake with peanuts on it but today is my birthday not hers. im allergic to peanuts." something corny like that...after about 10 of these stories, its just about all the same.
fmlbaby_fml 0
Couldn't just keep your mouth shut, could you?
genius_man16 1
I smell jealousy