Gross and Kids: 5-star meal

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 661

You deserved it 10 790

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Same thing different taste

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 760

You deserved it 6 907

By JustLeaveThem - 25/01/2017 18:00

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 752

You deserved it 300

By lizzard0416 - 30/11/2012 03:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 989

You deserved it 10 001

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 295

You deserved it 3 664

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 625

You deserved it 3 180

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 104

You deserved it 3 305

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 228

You deserved it 3 914

Cocobananas

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 182

Catch!

By babybreath - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 388

You deserved it 10 350

Tomfish3000 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

That is absolutely disgusting. Eugh, I feel for you.

ninjaxprincess89 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 14:33

and i wouldve gotten arrested cuz that baby wouldve been slapped

Comments

Zoa_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 1:22

This is why I don't allow the toddlers that I babysit to stick things in my mouth!

m0nicam0nster 0

Monday 16 March 2009 1:31

AHAHAHA nice bonding moment, then that delicious treat! the good moments are always ruined by something ridiculous, but usually funny in retrospect

BEB131 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:50

No matter what a toddler is feeding you, you can't know where its hands have been, maybe in places worse than where the cricket has probably been

s_mohan92 0

Monday 16 March 2009 5:10

okay, im sorry but i started crying when i read this because i was laughing so hard. but all the same, that does suck:/

silentfirefly 0

Monday 16 March 2009 5:57

Ew.

vvtumblesbee 0

Monday 16 March 2009 7:09

lol yes #29. i totally thought it'd be the clay. ended up so much worse >.

ashleyy_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 7:23

Oh my God, I would have cried! That's sooo disgusting!

stolen_sammich 0

Monday 16 March 2009 9:03

lol i thought it would be clay too....bwaciosjdf i've had a similar experience, i once drank out of a glass i later realized had a couple little flies stuck to the inside...i didn't freak out, but i think if it had been a cricket in there, i most definitely would have screamed bloody murder. I'm getting chills just thinking about it....arghgh. Well, from then on i was just really careful with cups that i picked up at the dining commons, as i'm sure you will be careful about letting toddlers stick things into your mouth xD