animals

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a cute dog. I reached down to pet it, but it snarled then bit me. As I was walking away, I saw the owner of the dog, who was laughing and filming the whole thing on his shitty cellphone. I hope the video isn't out there on TikTok or whatever. FML

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 1 010

Get your cats fixed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML

agreeclassic 303

vote type 1 761

Tasty snack

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 05:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, I used the “Find My…” app to locate a missing AirPods. Good news: I found them. Bad news: they are inside my dog’s belly. Next stop: Emergency vet. FML

agreeclassic 791

vote type 1 180

It's gonna eat me!

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 14:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he had a catphobia, but I forgot to tell him my mom has a new kitten, so when we went round he freaked out so much trying to escape this tiny kitten following him, it reminded me very much of Captain Hook trying to escape being eaten by the crocodile. FML

agreeclassic 374

vote type 1 709

Caturday surprise

By Help - 01/04/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, there are two cats in my basement that won't stop fighting. Loudly. I'm trying to sleep, if you don't mind. FML

agreeclassic 572

vote type 1 188

It just gets worse

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 04:00

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML

agreeclassic 684

vote type 1 216

Good boy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mantua

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up, I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

agreeclassic 25 419

vote type 1 13 409

How can I stay mad at you?

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my dog had chewed up my brand new, expensive pair of shoes. I was so angry that I yelled at him and he cowered in fear. But then, as I looked at his sad little face, it dawned on me that I was the one in the wrong for getting so upset over something materialistic. FML

agreeclassic 256

vote type 1 985

Big boy

By Rjlup - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

agreeclassic 49 183

vote type 1 7 318

Bad boy

By lukey101 - 27/03/2023 16:00

Today, my puppy celebrated a milestone by lifting his leg to pee for the first time. Too bad it was up against my brand new soft fabric couch. FML

agreeclassic 658

vote type 1 188

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I'm dog-sitting. To give the pooches some exercise, I took them on a long walk through the fields, where they run, play, and sniff around to their hearts’ content. Thirty seconds after coming back home, one of them made a ginormous puddle right on my living room floor. FML

agreeclassic 728

vote type 1 129

Where to start?

By doggone - 24/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

agreeclassic 1 149

vote type 1 135

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening

By Bamboozled - 23/03/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I thought I heard a nasty storm brewing, even though there was no warning that one would occur. I then realized it was one of my cats, stuck behind a chair and trying to escape with little success. Yes, her escape attempts were that noisy. FML

agreeclassic 579

vote type 1 172

Slip up

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 18:00

Today, I had pest guys over, so I asked if I should put my cat away. They asked if he was crazy, and I usually call him a "nut job" or a "handful" but instead of one of those, I said, "He's a handjob" to them. FML

agreeclassic 632

vote type 1 235

Wasps can **** right off

By Jeff - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

agreeclassic 12 204

vote type 1 42 250

Fresh air

By Ceecee - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk in the park. I was enjoying the fresh air until my dog spotted a squirrel and took off running. I ended up getting dragged through the mud and had to walk home covered in dirt and scratches. FML

agreeclassic 605

vote type 1 246

Last laugh

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 18:00

Today, my ex-roommate, who decided to move out when my other roommate and I told her we didn't want a giant dresser for her dogs' clothes and stuff in the dining room, took the door knob out of the door to her former bedroom and threw some of my things in the recycling bin. FML

agreeclassic 767

vote type 1 124

Windy day

By Tree - 21/03/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my dog was about to get hit by a tree branch, so I yelled for him to move. He got mad and started barking at me. And got nailed by the tree branch. FML

agreeclassic 638

vote type 1 142

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

agreeclassic 850

vote type 1 182

Curiosity

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my backyard, dug up my one month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

agreeclassic 50 686

vote type 1 3 494

Don't feed the animals

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 14:00

Today, I took my kids to the petting zoo and my toddler decided to feed the goats her entire bag of popcorn. The goats swarmed her and stole her shoes. FML

agreeclassic 694

vote type 1 553

What? It's Caturday!

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the reason my neighbors have been giving me weird looks while whispering to each other lately is because I've started walking my cat on a leash, and this is apparently "a cause for concern about my mental health." FML

agreeclassic 931

vote type 1 324

Lazy day

By Fail - 17/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I got an exercise wheel for my cat. He took a nap on it. FML

agreeclassic 603

vote type 1 316

Jeremy

By alicia75 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhart

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

agreeclassic 39 595

vote type 1 3 637

Loner

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my dog has a better social life than I do, since he's been invited to more doggy birthday parties than I've been invited to regular parties. FML

agreeclassic 642

vote type 1 154

Makeover

By Eric Ngan - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

agreeclassic 24 789

vote type 1 2 222

Sorry moley

By Ubehage - 15/03/2023 16:00 - Denmark

Today, I managed to fell a tree perfectly. It landed exactly where it should. Today is also the day I managed to Whack-a-Mole in real life. FML

agreeclassic 697

vote type 1 141

You ain't from around here, are you?

By Sylv - 15/03/2023 02:00

Today, I was running late for a job interview so I took what I thought was a shortcut through an dank alleyway. I ended up getting chased by a pack of stray cats and arrived at the interview covered in scratches and cat hair. FML

agreeclassic 750

vote type 1 264

A disappointing evening

By Jaxx - 15/03/2023 07:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went to various attractions in Singapore throughout the day. Then, I visited Singapore Night Safari, a zoo with a theme at night. Besides dozing off throughout the train excursion, my night blindness ultimately prevented me from seeing more than 40% of the creatures. The ticket cost me USD$40. FML

agreeclassic 240

vote type 1 777

Invasion

By Aaaaahhhhhhhh - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home to carpenter ants coming out from under my baseboards. I went out and bought bait traps and now there are flying ants coming out of the woodwork. If I try to sleep, they crawl on me. FML

agreeclassic 3 485

vote type 1 244

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

agreeclassic 40 360

vote type 1 6 288

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

agreeclassic 40 371

vote type 1 7 299

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

agreeclassic 23 838

vote type 1 10 901

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

agreeclassic 37 694

vote type 1 7 318

Today, I had a wet dream in the middle of an 8-hour-long airplane flight. FML

agreeclassic 36 500

vote type 1 4 509

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing "Never have I ever." My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, "Never have I ever had an orgasm." FML

agreeclassic 67 080

vote type 1 21 529