Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 18:45 - United States - San Francisco

I got my cosmetology license. I had a job planned at a hair salon for MONTHS, and am finally able to start next week. Wanting a fresh look for my new job, I went against my better judgement and got my hair cut at a public salon instead of doing it myself. Well, my hair looks great! Except the lice.

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By kawaiitrash - 23/03/2016 18:33 - United States - Barrington

Today, I just got a terrible cold, that I usually get each year in March because of my asthma. Meaning I have a horrible cough and nose. Tomorrow I'm going on a flight to see my dying grandpa for possibly the last time, and if I get him sick he will have no time left. FML

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By Chester - 23/03/2016 18:32 - United States - Bronx

Today, at recess, my friends and I were playing what are the odds, and I had to "drop it" and when I did my pants ripped and everybody including my crush saw my princess underwear. Also there was a stain from my period on it FML

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By squiggly book - 23/03/2016 18:26 - United States - Stamford

Today, my roommate put my wallet and all of the money I had in a new safe he secretly got... We need my credit card to pay for bills but he can't remember the combo. We need the money inside to pay for a locksmith. FML

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By coolfav - 23/03/2016 17:51 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I was in class and I was on Skype and this girl looked at my screen for whatever reason. At that moment my friend sent me a message saying "Booty booty booty rockin everywhere". She rolled her eyes and scoffed, saying "men". FML.

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By lpmancha95 - 23/03/2016 17:50 - United States

Today, my ex called me to translate something for him from Spanish to english. After helping him he told me we couldn't have worked out because I was too Mexican. FML.

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By themermaid_a - 23/03/2016 17:29 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I tried to shave my butt to see how well it would work, but it didn't. Now it's covered in red bumps and i can't even sit down since it feels like sitting on sandpaper. FML.

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By swigetyswogety - 23/03/2016 17:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, on the way to the hospital, due to my best friend breaking my jaw with his fist, an angry driver pulled a knife on me. FML

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By no friends - 23/03/2016 17:24 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, I overheard my best "friends" saying how they don't like me and only invite me along because I don't drink, so I'm a "free" designated driver. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 17:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I coughed so hard I peed myself a little. FML.

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By ImagineCrazy - 23/03/2016 17:14 - Canada - Canning

Today, I walked out of my room, just in time to see my dad grab my moms boob. FML.

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By cheatersneverchange - 23/03/2016 17:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the women I've been having sexual relations with's boyfriend of 3 years. Afterwards she had the audacity to come back to me to ask if we could continue with what we had! FML.

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By missbadwolf - 23/03/2016 16:55 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I called my dad and told him happy birthday. I then found out he had just accidentally got my dog with his chainsaw and he's bleeding. We are meeting at the vet. FML

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By kevinfmls - 23/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I was playing soccer during physical education. As I run to go and kick the ball someone runs up and kicks it as I'm kicking it. After I went to the doctor and they took an x-ray, I found out my toe was dislocated. I waited seven hours before they popped it back in. FML

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By bleedingdad - 23/03/2016 16:48 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I tried to wake up my teenage daughter for school, after turning on the light, She threw a book at my face called "Hush hush" and went back to sleep. FML

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By The Ugly One - 23/03/2016 16:38 - United States - Denver

Today, at work, while I was washing my hands, one of my coworkers that I don't talk to much came up to me and asked what my name was. When I told him, he said, "Ah, so you're the ugly one." Turns out, there's another girl at my workplace with the same name as me. She's the pretty one. I'm not. FML

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By rightlessonwrong - 23/03/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, in a rush to get my work apron and hat, I also grabbed a pair of my husband's dirty underpants. I didn't realize until I was at work. They're now hidden in my purse for the day.FML.

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By Not funny at all - 23/03/2016 16:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to my new therapist for the first time. As I was telling her about my problems, she burst out laughing, and giggled for ten minutes straight. I was forced to sit there and awkwardly laugh with her.

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By blueeyes6921 - 23/03/2016 16:09 - Canada - Burlington

Today, i was contacted by a woman ,telling me that my live in bf has been dating her since last September . At first i thought it was just some jealous crazy ex . Nope she was right and my bf has been living a double life ...FML

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By turdwrangler - 23/03/2016 15:18 - United States - Central Point

Today, at a trailer park where I was going to be unclogging a drain. I noticed a 2 year old walking around with only a diaper on and no adult in sight. I called the police after 10 minutes of seeing no other adult. Turns out the moms house is where I was working and she knew I called the police. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 15:18 - United States

Today, A couple of my friends came over to my house to play some league of legends. We played league for a couple hours and it was like 6:00 in the morning when we decided to sleep. We slept till 12:30 and when we woke up one of my friends was gone and there was a giant yellow spot on the bed. FML

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By Turtle - 23/03/2016 15:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today I f

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By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 15:02 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my boyfriend and I made a small bet with oral as the stake. I won. Unfortunately, my period just kicked in. FML

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By LockedLoser - 23/03/2016 14:58 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, The girl I'm in love with is a senior as I am. I've felt as if we've been having fun together and she was starting to like me back. That was until she started to vent to me about her crush.. A freshman. FML

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By ThrowingUpInMyMouth - 23/03/2016 14:39 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I felt sea sick on a ferry travelling on really choppy water. While getting some fresh air, I felt "the spray of the sea" on my face. I licked my lips without thinking and discovered a revolting taste. Turns out, the spray was actually puke from someone upwind... I licked someone's puke. FML

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By blupariah - 23/03/2016 14:24 - United States - Delhi

Today, I received a letter from the BMV saying my license will be suspended in a month. Why? Because apparently they did a random request for proof of insurance and I never sent it in. I didn't send it because I never got the letter. FML.

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By Anne - 23/03/2016 14:12 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today my 5 year old asked me "why does no one want to marry you?". FML.

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By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 14:09 - United Kingdom - Poole

I just had to explain to my boyfriend that, no, I do not feel comfortable with him becoming friends with the guy who raped me when I was 15.

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By Cone - 23/03/2016 14:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I studied for 6 hours for my up coming Latin Mid-Term. Little did I know that since the beginning of the semester I have been studying the wrong side of 621 flash cards. My test is in 40 minutes.

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By anonymous198913 - 23/03/2016 13:56 - United States

Today, my dog had surgery for cancer on her foot. While my mom was carrying her, she slipped and sprained her ankle. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We kept the lights on for a change and he asked me, "Babe, what's that on your tummy?" They're my stretch marks. Sex and body confidence ruined. FML

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vote type 1 234

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 47 999

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Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

agreeclassic 33 241

vote type 1 2 816

Today, I took an embarrassing picture of myself in my work uniform, acting goofy and such, to send to my friends but I accidentally sent it to my manager. It was a very jeopardizing pose. I’m supposed to start tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 234

vote type 1 1 381

Today, on my way out to get salt for the driveway, I fell and split my head. I'm now sitting in the ER waiting room. FML

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Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

agreeclassic 39 624

vote type 1 3 755