FML : Your everyday life stories

It’s right there in the name: “Nearly FMLs”. These are FMLs, but not quite. They’re nearly FMLs. Here you’ll find the FMLs that were voted for positively by our users and that are waiting to be validated (or not) by the FML team, along with those that we rejected for being too similar to previous FMLs or not funny enough to our discerning tastebuds.

Today, it's the first real hot day of summer. Today is also the day my car's aircon compressor decided to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "willkftw" / Thursday 6 December 2018 18:34 / Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that I caught lice from my granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By cdm2 - / Thursday 6 December 2018 07:40 /

Today I was a kickoff meeting for a project we are starting on. The boss wanted my team to commit a date and work backwards, before I even know the scope of the work to be done. And when I point it out, it's dismissed as if it's not important. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By poorthing - / Thursday 6 December 2018 07:09 /

Today, I was sitting next to my bf on the sofa while watching one of our favourite tv shows. My hand was on his thigh when he lovingly looks me in the eyes, holds my hand and slowly puts my hand on his crotch. Romance isn’t dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By westoz - / Thursday 6 December 2018 05:05 /

Today I drove to a new area, parked and took off for an afternoon jog. Two hours later, I panicked! I forgot where I parked and it was dark outside. After searching with no luck, I ordered an Uber and later found my car. I got in the car and took another loss VIA call #dumpedbeforechristmas WOW FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By BKRB - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 18:49 / United States - Washington

Today, I’m gay and I just confessed to my friend whom I had feelings for for the past year. Nobody knows I’m gay so he took it as a joke and even if I told him that my feelings for him are real he just ignored it and acted like nothing ever happened. I feel heartbroken.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Peter - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 22:24 /

Today, is the umpteenth time my cars broke down. Cars is plural. I should just tell all my employers that everytime I get a new job my car breaks down in the first month of work from now on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "Amanda G Rich" / Wednesday 5 December 2018 22:03 /

Today me and my now ex-gf of 3 years who's been treating me like shit for the past year finally broke up and has left me empty. I've just graduated and depressed. Later my parents told me how successful my friend is and after confronting that I overheard them saying how big of a failure I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By doesitmatter - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 20:53 /

Today I was asked if I would be able to make it to a funeral... for a grandparent I didn't know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By RogiBear - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 20:50 /

Today I woke up to find my kitten had not only taken a massive shit in my shoe but then proceeded to walk through it and then all over my brand new white sheets and duvet...FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Wednesday 5 December 2018 13:32 / New Zealand

Today I was randomly checking my browsing history and validating it's clean and I ended up finding various sites I can only attribute to my mother. That would have been bearable, but I only cleaned my history and started browsing incognito last week. She probably saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Eh.. - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 15:31 /

Today, i walked in on my girlfriend having sex with a coworker, she told me to trust her more, I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 10:13 /

Today I've been vegetarian for just over a month. I also have zero warning when I need to use the bathroom. When I woke up for my morning poo my housemate was in the shower: I had no time to ask him to leave, so I had to literally shit in a bag. In my bedroom. Over a towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By StinkyBelly - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 10:11 /

Today, I thought I could hold it in long enough to open my front door. I couldn’t. There is now a puddle on the front step. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Andrea Trevor / Tuesday 4 December 2018 01:12 / Canada - Hamilton

Today, I finally found a ride to go pay for and pick up my prescriptions. When I got home, I grabbed the mail. What arrived Today? My prescription insurance card. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Kashia - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 05:03 /

Today, I got test anxiety and forgot everything once again. Got home and told my parents, obviously upset, and they yell at me and blame it on my tv and computer all while telling me that I don't do anything. I only use my computer for online assignments and I study at least 6 hours a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ApparentlyARebel - / Monday 3 December 2018 20:09 /

Today in my school all my friends recieved some or the other award. But I, inspite of being the most active member of school was not given anything. Idky but I am really feeling bad. Moreover, I have entrance exams for college in a month and I haven't studied a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Kanzz - / Monday 3 December 2018 19:47 /

Today, I went to have a sperm count done. My wife informed me her Dr said I needed to provide the sample at the facility which was not true. The office staff blushed and a phlebotomist almost died of laughter. I went home and returned with a sample only to learn a phone call later they didn't do that test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Thatguy - / Monday 3 December 2018 08:25 / United States

Today, while fooling around on the floor during a shower, my husband’s knees gave way. He was stuck on top of me while I felt like I was being tortured via waterboarding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By SG / Monday 3 December 2018 08:00 /

Today, I tried to be a mature adult and did one of the hardest things I had to do and broke up with my really sweet boyfriend that I don't have a future with and now he's been guilt tripping me all night and accusing me of never caring about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "mellowyellowbaby" - / Monday 3 December 2018 00:02 /

Today I had to give an eviction notice as they have not paid rent for 2 months. They have 4 children and have to leave the day after Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Propmanager - / Sunday 2 December 2018 14:12 / United States - Beaverton

Today, I found another dead scorpion in our kitchen. I went to scoop it up to throw it away, only it wasn't dead, just pretending. It stung me, I dropped it and it ran under the oven. My wife thinks I deserved to get stung. She doesn't believe that I wasn't playing with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Bill - / Sunday 2 December 2018 17:19 /

Today it’s my sisters 21st birthday. I went to pick her and a friend up at a bar. I parked, went in and left not 5 minutes later and my car was towed. I went to get it back and discovered those assholes ripped the front lip off my car. Then on the way home her friend puked in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By yourwifelovesme / Sunday 2 December 2018 10:09 /

Today, after almost week of constipation, I took a laxative. I then had excessive farting for days. Now, I've moved on to a new stage. Explosive diarrhea. I'm not sure how I still have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By MyRoomSmellsLikeFart / Sunday 2 December 2018 03:53 / United States - Cranford

Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped and he just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Sunday 2 December 2018 08:06 /

Today while working in a hospital I split my pants down my butt. A female co-worker said this made her want to give me a hand job. Then five surrounding female co-workers began laughing hysterically. I was the only man present and I think I was just sexually harassed in the workplace...FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By / Sunday 2 December 2018 05:40 /

Today I have a cat who wants to watch everything I do, so she knows how to open and push doors, but she also knows how to unplug my lamp out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 1 December 2018 21:01 / United States

Today, my debit card has been hacked and so I can only use cash until the new one arrives in the mail. I can't withdraw cash at the bank because my ID expired and I'm still waiting to receive the renewed one (which I paid for weeks ago, I might add). Basically, I can't access my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Tallshadow - / Saturday 1 December 2018 23:14 /

Today I got into a fight with my mom because she thinks I'm wasting too much time getting over my depression. She thinks that because I have gone to therapy for 1 year I should be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Max - / Saturday 1 December 2018 16:35 /

Today at work I was helping a customer and he paused, looked me up and down, and told me I was one of the ugliest girl he had ever met... I was just recently rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By SadPotato - / Saturday 1 December 2018 00:12 / United States

Happy birthday !

See all birthdays

FML

Today, I reported to my part-time job for a shift in what we call the dungeon because it’s cold and drafty. Meanwhile, just down the hallway, the full-timers...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

Loading data…

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

See all the World FMLs

See all FML photos

Spicy

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs