The best jokes about life

Today, I just made my first investment in the stock market, I bought $900 worth of dogecoins I’m scared. FML

By leogs23 - 4/2/2021 09:30

Today I want to commit suicide but can't because I have a learning disabled daughter and my worst fear is leaving her alone in the world. FML

By - 4/2/2021 00:38

Today, I found out my partner of 3yrs not only left me the day my aunty passed away but also so she could date my "friend" of 6yrs. FML

By Emma - 3/2/2021 16:04

Today I was practicing piano in the living room, playing a military polonaise by Chopin, then suddenly someone came to my house, it was my father's friend. And he was a professional pianist, then he criticized my piano playing, and in the end, he said, you're suck at playing the piano. He was serious. FML

By Fathir154 - 3/2/2021 19:37 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, while pooping, my left airpod fell in the toilet.To recover it, I put my hand inside to pick it up but ended up making the water blurry..if you know what I mean, I gave up and went to the store and bought a new pair of airpods as it was my brother's and I was too embarrassed to tell him what had happened. FML.

By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 02:04 - Australia - Croydon

Today, my high school senior year ended. The academic year of 2020-21 ended. I went through the entire year in online mode without attending a single physical class. No graduation, no prom, no sports day, no fests, none. The teaching was also bad due to online. Not the way I wanted my 12th grade to be like. FML

By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 13:14

Today, I a buddy started showing me some videos of girls he follows on onlyfans. One of the them was of a girl being creampied by the biggest dick I've ever seen. I've been seeing this girl for 3 months and we made it official last week. The video was posted this morning. FML

By James - 1/2/2021 16:12 - Canada - Kitchener

Today I was happy my mom wanted to help me cook by cleaning root vegetables. Until I discovered that our definitions of “clean” were quite different: For her it means “having been scrubbed some”. For me it means “actually being free of sand”. FML

By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 18:05 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today is twenty-nine day that me and my boyfriend have not seen each other, because here is fucking lockdown. FML

By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 22:49 - Georgia

Today, I told my friend (who I have a "friends marriage pact" at 30 with) that I have developed feelings for her only to have her say even though there "may" be feelings between us we can't act on it because of distance. Thing is I would have actually uprooted for her, but I guess I'm only good as last resort...FML!

By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 01:18

Today, after 23 years, I found out that my parents have been hiding my real birth date from me, I’m born on 7 Dec. not 1 Jan. My boyfriend hates sagittarius and now doesn’t want to celebrate my birthday or remember it ever again...

By Logy - 28/1/2021 23:39

Today, i told my partner, with whom i have been with for decades, that i don't want to move into the house we bought and which he is renovating. FML

By Anonymous - 27/1/2021 19:32 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my friend said that they wanted to change their name to SCP-035. FML

By Anonymous - 27/1/2021 18:30 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today...I caught my girlfriend snorting meth using her baby to try to block my view. She said I made her uncomfortable and that we are done. Called a close friend and said we needed to talk. He replied "I'm sorry bro, she was drunk and I didnt know you were talking like that."...FML

By Anonymous - 26/1/2021 09:59

Today me and my girlfriend were kissing and I started groping her butt, got my fingers in the top of her crack and it was slippy as hell in there. Pulled my hand back my fingers were COATED in poo like she hadn’t made any attempt to wipe at all in at least a week. FML

By Theo - 25/1/2021 23:39 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today it’s one of the coldest days of this winter. In order to keep warm outside, I actually need less clothing than I need to stay warm inside the house. FML

By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 15:19 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Today, My boyfriend says I should forget about the girls he cheated on me with because they were nothing to him. He cheated on me with over 5 chicks.. FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 09:32

Today, my dad kicked me out of the house for smoking weed now I have to live outside I’m 22 FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 00:48

Today, due to an unknown illness that makes me super nauseous and dizzy, I've seen 10 specialists. None of which know what's wrong with me. FML

By "Amanda G Rich" - 23/1/2021 18:05

Today, my teacher was screwing us on projects. Mine was the best and she showed it to others. We're all from different schools and she used to teach in my old school. She said mine was good because of my old school's way. No, it's because I'm pedantic and others didn't put much effort. She just robbed me of credit. FML

By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 13:45

Today, I went to Dennys for dinner, and after I finished drinking my first glass of lemonade, I asked for another. My mom decided to body shame me in front of everyone in public and everyone, including the elderly was staring at me while my mom lectured me. Some people were snickering, and some were filming. FML

By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 01:31

Today, makes a year since my mom mentioned to me that she and my dad prayed for a still born baby over a gay one. At the time of her telling me this it caused my first ever panic attack. Thinking i was having a heart attack, i called my boyfriend over ,over, and over. I have been ignored since. FML

By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 00:53

Today I kicked our cat. And realized, the thing about cats is: They have no concept of the fact that humans cannot see them in the dark. FML

By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 20:11 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Today, I moved away for college and every time I go home I make sure to see my best friend (of 10 years). Long story short he curved all my texts and calls one time over the holidays because he was depressed over a girl. A year later he still refuses to talk to me or acknowledge the that we were ever even friends.. FML

By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 21:05

Today, I spite slept with my sister’s husband, He told me he would leave her for me, but he lied. I'm going to confess the whole thing at their anniversary party before I hand him the confirmed pregnancy test and the invoice for the abortion. There's your souvenir. Bitch.. FML

By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 01:31 - Australia

Today my wife who I have been with for 13 year told me that it’s over and from the start we were never going to work at all...now I’m cold. FML

By Soj254 - 17/1/2021 21:00

Today, I started wishing that my parents divorced. In my 18 years, I've seen my parents fight more than seeing them happy. It has had such a huge impact on me that I did not function as a normal person and they have taught me by their actions more of what not to do in life, rather than what to do. FML

By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 23:10 - India - Bangalore

Today, I tried to return to university after I deferred several years ago due to poor health. Despite having withdrawn without penalty, and not completed any units with them, they told me my GPA was too low to allow me in. Their suggestion? Complete two or three units to raise it. FML

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 14:11

Today my therapist tells me to keep a list of things I am thankful for. The only thing I can come up with, that I am genuinely thankful for, is the fact that my life hasn’t turned out even worse. Because things can always be worse, I know this from experience. FML

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 10:46 - Germany - Emden