Today, my aging father mentioned something off-hand about me maybe changing my mind about someday having kids. The truth is my husband and I would love to, but I’m not able. I don’t have the heart to tell him. FML
Today, I met a truck driver at my job and he gave me some fatherly advice. The whole time I was listening, I was also thinking like, why didn't my dad stay and want to be in my life? FML
Today, while I was out with my wife and kids, I saw a happy gay couple and it reminded me of the life I could've had if I wasn't raised by such strict religious homophobic grandparents. FML
Today, I found out that I have to appear in juvenile court because I refused to go visit my dad, even though it was court ordered. FML
Today, I got a notification that my food had been delivered. I opened my front door and found nothing. After ten minutes of panic, I checked the delivery photo. It was of my old apartment. I moved out eight months ago. FML
Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML
Today, if you have fibromyalgia and back spasms, DON'T go to hospital, they don’t do shit for people anymore. They only give you a shot that barely works and send you home. YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING BLEEDING OR DYING TO GET THEIR FUCKING ATTENTION! FML
Today, I paid extra for priority shipping because I desperately needed my package before the weekend. It arrived on time. It was the wrong package. I'm now the proud owner of a dog raincoat. As in a raincoat for dogs. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I set practically ten alarms because I absolutely could not oversleep for an important appointment. I woke up two hours early, panicked that I'd missed it, and couldn't fall back asleep. I spent the entire appointment looking like I hadn't slept at all. FML
Today, my partner came home late so I preheated the oven for dinner. My partner got home an hour later, and we put things in the oven. We then go to cook the potatoes on our induction stove. Oh, the stove is off, the breaker must have tripped today. Oh, the oven is on the same fuse. Oh, the food is still frozen. It's 10pm. FML
Today, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with tech support before realizing my “broken” printer was unplugged behind the desk and had been the whole time. The agent waited in silence as I was checking, but I was too embarrassed to tell him, so I hung up the phone in shame. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl I recently met, thinking she was really into me. Turns out she isn’t. How did I figure it out? We went clubbing and she hit on my roommate, made out with her best guy friend, and then left with a completely different guy. FML
Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML
Today, I took the last parking spot in a crowded lot, got out feeling victorious, then immediately stepped in a puddle deep enough to soak my foot all the way through to my sock. FML
Today, I was discussing with my husband about how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?" He's 35 and I'm 32. FML
Today, my 21 year-old daughter called crying because she was in pain due to a wisdom tooth. She was angry because she thinks I should have called the dentist for her. She can't get an appointment immediately, so now refuses to celebrate her birthday four weeks away. I told her that she's an adult now. Still my fault. FML
Today, I was proud of myself for remembering my wallet, keys and phone before leaving for the airport. I got all the way to security before realizing I’d left my passport on the kitchen table, right next to the travel mug I also forgot to bring. FML
Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML
Today, I’m sick and tired of women disrespecting my relationship. They come up and openly flirt with my man right in front of me, because no one thinks we’re together. I know it’s because he’s ripped like a Greek god while I’m 300lbs. He loves me as I am, I just wish other people would get it too. FML
Today, it sucks so bad because I have fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain there is no cure for. Right now I hurt so bad that I want to go to the hospital to stop the pain, but they won’t do anything. FML
Today, I got a criminal record and a court date, all because I’m a single mom struggling to pay rent and feed my 3 kids, and I was desperate enough to trust a random man who told me to cash a fraudulent check. He dropped me off at the bank and ghosted me when I was being interrogated and booked by the cops. FML
Today, I built up the courage to approach my gym crush. I walked over, smiled, and said, "You smell amazing." I meant to say he looked amazing. He faintly smiled, then slowly went back to the rowing machines without saying a word. FML
Today, I walked into a pet store "just to look." Thirty minutes later, I walked out with a hamster, a cage, toys, treats, and absolutely no idea how I'll explain this to my landlord. FML
Today, after reminding my mother that I couldn't watch my father 5 days a week, she threw another temper tantrum and insisted that her druggie friend, who trusts everyone and drives my dad nuts, could watch him. This is how they are gonna get robbed, so I keep losing time with the husband and kids because of this. FML
Today, I got to sports practice 30 seconds late and got kicked out for "poor time management". FML
Today, everything is falling apart. I hate my job where I get to pick up the mess of clients who don't think. Insane weather: strong rain all the time, and I have to go outside for work. Also, applying for Master's but no offers yet. I desperately want to switch jobs. I feel so alone in this. Health is fucked up. Skipped periods for 3 months. FML
Today, I'm home, taking care of my kids and keeping the house in order, so that my working wife is able to relax but she doesn't appreciate me at all and hates that I'm not like her best friend's wealthy husband, even though I do my best, and really wish I could be the breadwinner in the family. FML
Today, my wife's friend's husband broke the unwritten "man rule" of not being TOO good of a husband. He turned over a new leaf and started really busting his ass, so his wife bragged on him to my wife, and now she's sulking and refusing sex. FML
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