Today, I dropped my phone in the bathtub and had to spend the whole night trying to make the speakers work again. On top of that, while I was cleaning the bedding I discovered that my bed had grown a black mold farm and I have been sleeping on it for God knows how long. FML
Today, my wife has been grumpy all day, because she decided to get herself worked up over an argument we had and then peacefully settled three months ago. Like she suddenly gets to reopen the argument for no reason. I’m refusing to continue the argument on principle, hence her grumpiness. FML
Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML
Today, after suffering probably my worst night of appendicitis, which consisted of vomiting, diarrhea, and going to the doctor, starving, only to find out a couple of hours later in the hospital ER that I'm allergic to penicillin and close to dying. Again. FML
Today, I had a nightmare in which my abuser came back into my life… but with gothy makeup. FML
Today, I experienced gay panic. I've felt like this before, but all the other people of the same gender I've liked I had no chance with. This time, I might have a chance with this person, if I don't screw it up like how I did last time. Please please please don't be straight or already taken. FML
Today, I'm thinking of quitting the awesome job I love with coworkers I adore, because I keep fucking up every part of my job, making them pick up the pieces and correct my failures. They don't deserve this. FML
Today, after 3 days of being admitted to the hospital, I don't have appendicitis. I have a bacterial infection in my intestinal tract, with gut-wrenching pain and brutal diarrhea for over a week. They can't give me anymore Imodium, I just have to let it run its course. This is the second time I've had this. FML
Today, I told my mother I was doing fine with my classes when I actually wasn't because her mother is dying, and I didn't want her to have more things to stress about. She found out and she's very hurt. I feel awful about it and I know lying wasn't the right thing to do, but in the moment I didn't want to cause her any more pain. FML
Today, I have to go work for ten hours in a warehouse after getting no sleep at all. I get horrendously sick if I don’t sleep. FML
Today, my dad told me my pregnancy stretch marks were really bad and unsightly, and that I should probably do something about them, as though there was some miracle cure for them that I’m just too lazy to go and buy from the shops. If this gets published, I expect revenge ideas in the comments. FML
Today, my husband hosted dinner tonight and once again made deflating comments and called me “r*tarded sp*c” in front of his friends. They all laughed, while I had a knot in my throat. I have to stay married to him for another year and a half or else I’ll lose my green card and get deported. FML
Today, and for the past seven weeks, the weather forecast has been the same, invariably saying, "This week, it’ll be either hot or rainy, but next week it’ll be mild and sunny." I’m still waiting for "next week's” weather. FML
Today, I learned that when you're sleeping 12+ hours and starving all the time, but haven't gained any weight, you might have a sinus infection. FML
Today, the girl I really thought I had feelings for told me she kissed me on the cheek because I’m a sweet person, but she doesn’t want to be my partner. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML
Today, I finally had an opportunity to flirt with the guy I have a crush on. We danced together all night and everything was going well… too well apparently, because out of nowhere, he kissed my sister, who knew about my crush on him but still kissed him back. FML
Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML
Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend of three and a half years told me he was leaving me for a girl he met at his Uni, because, “I’m tired of jerking off all the time and I need intimacy.” He’s only known her for two months. So the three and a half years together meant nothing to him then? FML
Today, it's been a month since my grandma passed away. Up until that point, I'd been visiting her regularly to make sure she was doing okay, and to get out of the house for a change. Now that she's gone, I have one less reason to leave the house. My life is even more dull than before. I want to go back. FML
Today, and over the past six months, after 20+ years of habits aiming at not gaining weight and succeeding in doing so, I've suddenly LOST a lot of weight at 40 years-old due to bad circumstances. No matter how hard I try or how much I eat, my system just seems to have forgotten how to build fat. FML
Today, my fiance of 6 years, who was estranged for 10 months during which time our wedding was naturally called off, came back, and after much convincing got a second chance. Within two weeks of taking it slow, he asked if I had been faithful after he'd abandoned me. A "yes" wasn't enough. He's disappeared again. FML
Today, I’m going to a audition and my partner is scared that I’ll never come back, and is not supportive of me. Seriously, why did he come back just so he could be so depressed and then not support me at all? FML
Today, I called the crisis helpline, and because my connection was cutting in and out for a moment, they hung up on me. When I called back, it was shift change, so they hung up again. FML
Today, I realised that I have been a teacher for far too long when I told a random stranger I saw at the mall to tie up their shoelaces. FML
Today, I realized ruined I'd my life forever when i broke up with the girl of my dreams by being stupid 11 years ago and I'm still missing her. I haven't been able to move on ever since, and she is now married and has a kid. Don't ever take anyone for granted, I know I deserve this but… FML
Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML
Today, I've eaten two pieces of fruit, three crackers, and 3.5 glasses of juice. I've also vomited 3 times and peed myself once. Can someone please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again? FML
Today, I'm halfway through of packing my stuff as we are moving to another flat. I discovered that I got chickenpox, which means that I should do no hard physical work. I've got a fever and a headache. It started raining in the morning, so loading stuff to truck is going to be so much fun. FML
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