Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML
Today, I learned that when your flatmate admits she’s an exhibitionist and you say you’re OK with it, it doesn’t means she going to walk around naked like you hoped, it means she’s going to bring guys home and do them at times I’m guaranteed to “accidentally catch them.” Why couldn’t she do me instead? FML
Today, I accidentally farted during my orgasm with this new woman I’ve been seeing. She said she’s not into that sort of thing, and no matter how I tried to explain it was just an accident, she asked me to leave, and that she’d call me, maybe, if she can forgive me. FML
Today, I swear to Christ my kid has a sixth sense. He's normally chill and well behaved, but every single time my wife and I have a moment and things start heating up a little, he either starts crying or throws a tantrum over nothing and kills the mood. FML
Today, I went on a date and ended up back at her place. She gave me head in the front hall before we started moving to her bedroom. That’s when her dad, asleep on the sofa, woke up. She had no idea why he was there but she still had my stuff dripping down her chin, and he definitely noticed. FML
Today, my boyfriend is still determined to find my kink. I keep telling him I don’t have one. Literally, I don’t. He isn’t forcing me to do anything physically but he won’t drop the subject. He keeps making all these different suggestions and expecting me to have some magical discovery or something. FML
Today, I feel like I’m never going to have satisfying sex again. We have so many kids that I never get a moment’s peace. By the time they’re all taken care of and sleeping, I’m too exhausted to even think about sex. If I do, it’s a “let’s get it out of the way” type quickie to shut my husband up. FML
Today, my cuckold fantasy became real. I got back home earlier than usual and found my wife being banged by a guy. I waited 10 minutes for him finish before entering the room screaming. FML
Today, my husband came to me with a proposition. He asked in all honesty if he could please have a one-time pass to have sex with someone else. He said that she’s a virgin and it’s always been his dream, and something every man deserves in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. FML
Today, my boyfriend's been distant lately so I told him he was not like this when we first started talking. He replied that it's because he was horny at the time, so now I'm stuck with his nonchalant ass. FML
Today, my mom found my sketchbook full of realistic dicks. She woke me up to show me with concern, and the page she showed as an example was specifically someone getting a handjob. For context, I draw lewd stuff for the laughs, and being an artist just makes it not work out in my favor. She now thinks I am a perv. FML
Today, I sent my ex nudes and then asked him if he saved them, only for him to reply with, "Nah, they weren't nude enough." Mind you, he cheated on me. FML
Today, I’m worried that swinging might've ruined my marriage. My wife and I both agreed and we very much enjoyed ourselves. The problem is that the other woman rode me like a high intensity thrill ride roller coaster compared to the same old merry go round that is my wife. FML
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
Today, I went camping with friends, two guys and one girl. Night came and things got freaky. Two of them began to make out. I wanted to make a move on my guy friend but he said, “Nah, let’s not ruin the friendship.” Then he proceeded to have a threesome with them. Oh, and the other guy didn’t want me either. FML
Today, my mom found my Rose Toy in the washer while doing my laundry. My parents are no longer paying for college and she “hopes I’m planning on seeking some employment” because I have 30 days to move out. When I told her I can’t live on my own on minimum wage, she replied, “You should have thought about that then.” FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, it's been two years since I dropped out of college to do OnlyFans and get rich. I've made less than a thousand on OnlyFans and have to support myself with two jobs, and no man will have me. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML
Today, my so-called son told me that I'm never going to see my grandchildren again because I caught him cheating on his wife (in MY home and in MY bed!) and ratted him out to her so now they're getting a divorce. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML
Today, I'm aging, so it’s clear my ball skin has got more rough, and I can't even shave anymore without bad razor burn. Well, I tried Nair for the first time. My balls are now severely chemically burned and blistered. It was just 4 minutes of Nair! I was finally getting my sex drive back after a divorce, so I was trying to be ready just in case. FML
Today, I tried to gently tell my boyfriend that he needs to wash his clothes more often as some of them smell pretty musty. He got all pissy (no pun intended) and assured me that none of his exes ever complained about a smell. I can’t even go down on the guy because his crotch smells bad. FML
Today, my first time having sex was in the back of her car in my university parking garage. We went for hours with people walking all around us not noticing, because we fogged up the car after a while. While I got out, I noticed my best friend with the biggest grin taking a picture of me getting out of her car. FML
Today, my husband admitted he sometimes gets me ragingly jealous of other women on purpose because when I’m jealous I put in more effort in the bedroom and it’s easier to get me to do anal. FML
Today, not only did my deadbeat brother mooch off me for six months, wreck my car, and screw my wife, he just successfully sued me for the medical bills he incurred when I caught them and beat him within an inch of his life. Twelve fucking grand in debt. I should have just stabbed him. FML
Today, I checked my husband's phone, as mine was dead. When I opened it, I saw a text conversation with his friend. He recently said, "Man you just gotta ignore your wife more. I stopped paying so much attention to mine and next thing I knew she was all over me, it's awesome." FML
Today, after years of no sex, a friend of mine told me she would like some benefits. I got too excited and came before even putting it in. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me to her apartment for "Taco Tuesday date night", saying that she had "homemade tacos." She actually made homemade tacos for us to eat for dinner. Oh, and she was on her period. Fantasy ruined. FML
Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML
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