Embarrassing

I'm new to all this!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2023 20:00

Today, I tried to parallel park in front of a crowd. After several failed attempts, someone shouted from a window above, "Nice 23-point turn, dumbass!" I was practicing on an empty street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 251

Leftovers

By Well Shit - 16/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 439

You what now?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, my rowing coach asked my teammates and me a question that I couldn’t quite hear. The answer should’ve been, “We rowed in pairs today” and I responded, “Only in Central Park.” The question was, “How did you row today?” not, “Have you rowed?” There was a long moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 261

Wrong window, sorry

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 16:00

Today, I accidently sent that my butthole was on fire to a group chat with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 769

Greasy greasy spot spot

By Whoops - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 205

You deserved it 47 409

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 805

Holy eyesight, Batman!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 22:00

Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 248

Cost effective

By Reallynotthatfat - 04/08/2023 00:02 - Germany - Gross-Bieberau

Today, I arrived at a cheap but nice hotel. I normally couldn't pay for it, but it was only slightly more expensive than camping, so I decided to treat myself. Ten minutes after arriving, I felt dizzy while standing in the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, and broke the lid almost in half. It'll cost me 50 euros extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 158

Puppy love

By Anonymous - 03/08/2023 06:00

Today, I had a brain fart moment while asking out a cute guy. I meant to say, "When are you going to let me take you out for coffee?” but what actually came out of my mouth was, “When are you going to let me do you?” He turned bright red and I ran away, and I’m too scared to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 314

Teamwork

By meetingadjourned - 27/07/2023 06:00

Today, I hosted a meeting planned two weeks in advance with my business partners and a new work associate, who was supposed to propose a new business plan. The new associate didn't show up, and hadn't given me a heads-up. He wouldn't answer his phone either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 121

Rain check?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 15:00

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 2 029

Crime doesn't pay

By honest mistake! - 21/07/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I was humiliated, detained, and questioned by police when I tried to leave a store with an unpaid item. I honest to God didn’t see the item because it'd slid under my toddler daughter's leg while she sat in the basket. The store refused to believe me, even when I tried to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 171

Free speech

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 10:00

Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 140

Gassed

By Anonymous - 20/07/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I went clubbing. A girl I was dancing with leaned in with a disgusted expression and said, "God, it stinks! Someone keeps farting… I swear they've got IBS." It was me. I have IBS. I was farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 500

Don't let things get you down, just pish yersel

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 22:00

Today, I, a grown man in his 30’s, fell asleep and pissed myself like a 2 year-old at bedtime. I was at work on my dinner break and had taken a nap on the break room sofa, which is now soaked in my pee, and I have no change of clothes. Twenty coworkers and 5 senior management all know it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 333

Don't panic!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 15:00

Today, I had a meeting with our partner company from Japan. I was instructed beforehand on bowing but when the time came I panicked, stood way too close, and headbutted their boss in the boobs. I was “politely” asked to leave the meeting. I’m so embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 773

Mom! No!

By Mnnn - 18/07/2023 18:00

Today, I angrily scolded one of my employees for making an avoidable mistake for the third time. Unfortunately, my mother decided to pay me a surprise visit, and arrived mid-rant. She chewed me out for being mean and made me apologize. Now everyone at work calls me "mama's boy" and nobody takes me seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 123

Bad boy

By acme - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 158

You deserved it 2 894

Bored

By wideawake - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 829

You deserved it 5 693

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 11/07/2023 22:00

Today, I woke up to realize I got my period a week early. The day of the after-wedding brunch. In a sort of remote area. Without pads or tampons. I need to be at the breakfast in a half-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 196

Check these out!

By Imdeadalready - 10/07/2023 18:02 - United States - Portage

Today, I meant to send a nice picture of the flowers my boyfriend got me set up in a vase on my nightstand. Turns out I sent it to his mom. My vibrator was in the shot. I'm mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 953

Shame!

By milly - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, my mother commented "Loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 781

You deserved it 6 760

Classic blunder

By Jake404 - 10/07/2023 00:02 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up at a coffee shop. I arrived early, feeling nervous but excited. As I sat waiting, I noticed a person waving at me from across the room. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that they were actually waving at someone behind me. My date never showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 125

Garden party

By Awkward is my name - 09/07/2023 12:00

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 049

Tasty

By Anonymous - 09/07/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I went to the supermarket and picked up some groceries, along with what I thought was a bag of chips. I ripped it open in the car and realized it was a bag of birdseed. As I spat out the birdseed through the car's open window and tried to clean the mess, a pigeon flew into my car and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 889

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time in years. Almost immediately, I realized that my shorts were no match for the forces of gravity. I spent the rest of the ride clinging to my seat for dear life while trying to subtly cover my exposed ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 631

Hairstyle lifehack

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 12:00 - United States - Albany

Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 386

Hush!

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I went to my local library to study. As I settled in, I dropped my water bottle, causing a mini flood. Panicked, I tried to clean it up with paper towels, only to knock over a stack of books, creating a domino effect of chaos. The librarian gave me the dirtiest look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 324

Ace Of Spades

By MetalisLife - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 724

You deserved it 6 603

Good question

By cynicalcindy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out, "Are you having fun?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 179

You deserved it 50 371

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my mom found out that I’ve been faking my exam grades, turning my 30s to 80s and 40s to 90s on the paper exams. She got access to my online student portal and saw my real grades. I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 659

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 432

You deserved it 3 311

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 344

You deserved it 29 396

Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 66

Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 958

You deserved it 729

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 3 400