All the FMLs

Mummy's bravest little boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Hobart

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 420

You deserved it 784

What?

By IHaveThePower - 17/01/2024 15:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, like every day since birth, I have a sensory processing disorder that stops me hearing things properly. It's worse with accents. I live in the Southwest and I can't understand anyone's spanish accent. I'm not racist, I swear; I'm just disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 113

Hangry boy

By Anonymous - 17/01/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, my mom’s greedy cat stole some milk I had left on the countertop, completely undeterred by the fact that not only was the milk in a plastic bag, it was also frozen solid. Yep, he actually managed to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 145

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 364

You deserved it 1 205

Lavish is out

By INeedAJob - 17/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my sugar daddy-turned-boyfriend can no longer support my lavish lifestyle and told me to get a job. Ever since he divorced his wife and kids for me, he has to pay a hefty child support and alimony for them. This is way more than I bargained for. Now I can’t break up with him or he’ll think I’m a gold digger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 2 225

That's not how that works

By fishbearpig - 17/01/2024 13:00 - Romania

Today, I got scammed of 16k by a car dealer. I went to the place, paid for the car, and paid to have it transported to my address. The car should've been delivered, the dealer vanished either way with the car. The police and bank can’t do much, and I lost my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 182

Good luck

By Anonymous - 17/01/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally came out to my parents and admitted that I’m HIV positive. Instead of being supportive, they made me call up all of my childhood friends and tell them to get tested. Playing at the park isn’t how it transmits, Mum and Dad… FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 181

Explain this

By Jenny - 16/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 98

Assumptions

By Crappyfayman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said, "Not in a million years, fat ass!" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 330

You deserved it 3 711

Unreasonable

By Busting my hump - 16/01/2024 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm on my sixth straight day of double shifts, with four more to go. I make overtime so I'm not complaining, but today my wife texted me, "Going out of town tonight, I expect the house to be spotless when I return." Not sure how I'm going to swing this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 128

The blame game

By Anonymous - 17/01/2024 07:00 - Australia

Today, it's been two days since firefighters broke into my friend's home to get her out. She has health issues rendering her disabled and immobile. She was living amongst her own feces and urine, mould, rats eating her feet, etc. She told me about the filth three days ago, and now blames me for everything since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 143

Bore off

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I keep getting ghosted on every platform. People seem interested until they see my face, and vanish. What gives? I'm plain but not unattractive, nor heavy or blemished. Just average. Boring average. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 150

Weird flex, but OK

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 356

You deserved it 42 219

Superheroes Finger Family Song Johny Johny Yes Papa Nursery Rhymes Giant Syringe

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my niece and let her watch cartoons on YouTube while I cooked dinner. She screamed as I was cutting up carrots and I cut myself. She had turned on an episode of Happy Tree Friends and was now crying and wouldn't stop. My brother thumped me for not watching her. I now have a cut hand and black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 528

Meritocracy indeed

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to hire my boss’s niece. The kid failed out of college twice, but I could have forgiven her if she worked hard to learn, but she's so lazy and dumb, so dumb that if she shook her head I think I’d actually hear her single brain cell rattle like a rock in a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 132

This is fine

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 13:30 - India

Today, I misread a message that said they needed someone to volunteer for an event. Since the message was from my committee senior, I read the volunteer part and said yes. I missed the "and host it" part so now I have to give a speech in front of all the senior professors and the guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 629

Nostalgia is so last year

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 23:00 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I posted a simple question on a Facebook group about 2000s nostalgia, talking about missing the old stuff and how I don't like modern stuff, and people got annoyed over that. What the fuck did I do to you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 455

Safe bet

By Hit-and-Run - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Juárez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 376

You deserved it 3 288

Kiss me

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 18:00 - United States - Wolfeboro

Today, my boyfriend refused to give me a kiss because he thinks I flirt with his cousin. I make small talk with him because my boyfriend is always leaving me alone with said cousin. I’m not attracted to him in the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 108

The struggle is real

By Alone - 15/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I've come to accept that while my family claims to be supportive of my disabilities, they become completely ableist whenever they're the source of the problem, or if my problems otherwise have a direct effect on them. I have no real friends in this world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 196

J'ACCUSE!

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 14:00 - United States - Sterling

Today, after I'd been working a 14-hour day, my wife texted me to tell me how she would like to kill me. Apparently, the lid to the garlic container was not screwed on tight enough and it spilled all in the fridge. How is that my fault? FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 171

What did you just say?

By keeks_25 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 251

You deserved it 26 149

What do you want?

By bum4evr - 15/01/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I was walking to a burger joint when a man driving by noticed me and parked. He started following me on foot. I noticed him when he was around 15 feet away. He walked back to his car and left, not caring that his intentions were then obvious, another robbery attempt. Post-pandemic life in California sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 174

Mockery

By Jamie Kingslayer - 15/01/2024 05:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked into my barbershop and told the owner to, “Give me the Jamie Lannister” (from Game of Thrones). The barbershop was silent, except for one loud laugh. Coming from my ex. She'd followed me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 610

Irritable

By majestic09 - 15/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, like most days, no matter what I eat, my stomach does not agree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 107

We're in hell

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 16:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after leaving my abusive partner, I checked into a hotel through a crisis service. Since then, I've been asked to have sex for $20, and also yelled at for not driving a woman to a shopping centre, which is a 5-minute walk away. I don't drive and have been here for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 100

Insult to injury

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 250

You deserved it 5 924

You probably can say them here

By A little help - 14/01/2024 17:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, I went on a few websites to ask for donations for a cheap car part, due to my husband not able to work due to COVID, and we live paycheck to paycheck. I've never had so many only negative comments basically calling me a piece of crap and other words I can't say on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 461

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 14/01/2024 22:00 - France

Today, I received an email from my boss, with congratulations, announcing my promotion. I worked hard last year, so I was excited to hear this and replied with gratitude. He texted me and apologized for misunderstanding as this email was sent by mistake, and it was my coworker who actually got promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 102

Concentrate

By um…ew - 14/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my friend and I were having a conversation in the ladies’ room. Suddenly, we hear banging from one of the stalls and, “Can you talk somewhere else? Some of us are trying to poop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 946

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I realized that I don't use my brand new $200 electric razor enough to justify the cost. It works perfectly fine, I just only use it once every two weeks instead of every day like everyone else does, all because my facial hair doesn't grow thick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 280

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 327

You deserved it 2 535

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 565

You deserved it 1 777

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 088

You deserved it 8 048

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 540

You deserved it 2 656

Today, whilst working my waitressing job, I had a patron lose his rag at me because there was too much "green stuff" in his salad. What did he expect? Chicken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 279

You deserved it 432