Happy NOT Father's Day to me? · 17 June 2025, 09:00 ·Paranaque City, Philippines

All mine

Today, I met my ex, whom I have not seen in years, in the airport. She was with a 3 year-old girl who ran to me with open arms, happily saying, "Papa!" Overjoyed, I picked her up, hugging her back, and kissed her. My ex then condescendingly said, "She's NOT yours!" When I asked why, she said, "She calls ALL MEN 'Papa'!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 418 You deserved it 163

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witt75 · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Thanks, appreciate it!

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135 You deserved it 6 344

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Anonymous · 17 June 2025, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Private stuff

Today, I was on the phone to my boss and I mentioned about finding what he needed in the search history. Later, my dad asked what a search history is. When I explained, he went red and asked me if I could maybe delete his without reading it. Jesus Christ, Dad, use private browsing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380 You deserved it 90

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Joe Shmoe · 17 June 2025, 00:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

We almost made it…

Today, I really really needed to poop. I held it hard. I held it really hard. I pooped my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 206

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Anonymous · 16 June 2025, 22:00 ·King City, Canada

Too late to take it back

Today, I texted my cousin to ask if he and his wife got the baby onesie I sent, as they are expecting their first child together. Turns out they got it, but it upset his wife as she had recently lost the baby. No one had told me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578 You deserved it 74

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ninnang · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Honolulu, United States

Erm, thanks?

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died." My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 506 You deserved it 3 585

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Anonymous · 16 June 2025, 15:00 ·United States

It's all too much

Today, I came home to my wife who was drunk and sobbing. I’d left her alone with my kids from my first marriage along with ours and I guess they acted up so bad they made her break her sobriety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423 You deserved it 216

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Kilamo · 16 June 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Careless words

Today, after burying my dad on my birthday, one of my aunts walked up to me and said, "Well at least you won't forget your birthday." I wanted to cuss her out so bad, like, bitch, how would I forget my birthday and the day I buried my dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 522 You deserved it 80

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Anonymous · 16 June 2025, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Small town

Today, I took a date to a new restaurant I’d never been to before. Wish I had been because it turns out two of my ex-girlfriends work there as waitresses. Luckily they were amicable break-ups, but it was still hella awkward every time they brought stuff to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395 You deserved it 156

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

GET UP

Today, I left the apartment door open so the construction workers sent by our landlord could work in the kitchen, while I slept in after working a late shift. They knocked on the bedroom door at 7 a.m., asking me to move the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838 You deserved it 241

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Ishouldnthavesaidthat · 16 June 2025, 03:00 ·Queens, United States

Bigmouth strikes again

Today, I was leaving work to go home and ran into some people setting up an event in one of our rooms. In my socially anxious way, I told them they couldn’t use our equipment by saying my boss is a massive bitch. Turns out he knows my boss and disagrees. I hope he doesn’t say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 609

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Anonymous · 16 June 2025, 00:00 ·Boise, United States

He has a type

Today, I noticed my crush of almost 3 years was talking to me a lot more at school. He seemed genuinely comfortable around me, even playing with my rings during class. I thought maybe I had a chance. Nope. A mutual friend just told me he likes another girl. A girl who coincidentally looks just like me but skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 15 June 2025, 22:00 ·Warsaw, Poland

Priorities

Today, I wanted to spend some time with my girl, but she was more interested in her phone and 90 Day Fiancé. Bored, I went to play video games. Ten minutes later, she came looking for me and yelled that I clearly prefer video games to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468 You deserved it 90

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Oral fixation maybe? · 15 June 2025, 20:00 ·United States

The bloat

Today, I realized I need to cut back on drinking. Not booze, but water. I compulsively drink so much water that my body is bloated from water absorption and I have to pee constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159 You deserved it 303

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Maui_Diddy · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Big Brother

Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me, and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 235 You deserved it 440

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Anonymous · 15 June 2025, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

How did you not feel it?

Today, I wore new trousers to work. As I walked to my desk, I noticed a weird damp patch near my zip. Panicking, I thought I'd pissed myself. I rushed to the bathroom, then figured out that it was the condensation from my lunch container, which was in my bag that I had on my lap during the bus ride to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329 You deserved it 138

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Anonymous · 15 June 2025, 09:00 ·Leeds, United Kingdom

Stop staring!

Today, my 5-year-old told me that she'd learnt about gravity, then asked, “So when you fall down, is it because the Earth punched you?” I said yes, along with a giggle. Later at the supermarket, she tripped and screamed, “THE EARTH HIT ME AGAIN!” I was then reminded of high school when it felt like everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 You deserved it 409

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

The cliché is true

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 615 You deserved it 65 555

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Anonymous · 15 June 2025, 03:00 ·San Diego, United States

Fireworks

Today, I tried to microwave a leftover burrito. I forgot to remove the foil it was wrapped in. The microwave went into overdrive in a dramatic display of sparks, the fire alarm went off, and I had to convince the neighbors at my door not to evacuate their apartments. I still haven’t eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 You deserved it 642

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Dave · 15 June 2025, 00:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

New look, huh?

Today, I tried a new beard trimmer that has a laser guide. I somehow set it too close to my skin and shaved a completely bald line straight through the middle of my beard. Now I look like a magician with a flesh mustache divider, or a bassist from a 90s nu-metal band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 You deserved it 339

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Anonymous · 14 June 2025, 22:00 ·United States

That went well

Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 You deserved it 678

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Anonymous · 14 June 2025, 20:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Multitasking

Today, during an online class, I forgot to mute myself while trying to get my dog to poop. The whole class, including my professor, heard me sing “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa to motivate her. They all had many questions when I came back on camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 You deserved it 512

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notwasted39 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Help!

Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 456 You deserved it 3 180

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Anonymous · 14 June 2025, 15:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

A lot going on

Today, I threw a get together and one of my friends came. She recently lost a good friend. It made me realise how selfish I’ve been to want to end things, and I can’t imagine seeing her sob into someone else’s arms about me. I feel terrible, I love her…am I horrible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 You deserved it 428

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Paul · 14 June 2025, 12:00 ·United States

How does this keep happening?

Today, I meant to forward an email to my coworker with the message “Can you believe this crap?” referring to our client’s request. Instead, I hit “Reply All.” The client responded: “Yes, I can believe it. And I expect it done by Friday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 You deserved it 708

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Anonymous · 14 June 2025, 09:00 ·Sacramento, United States

So, about that second date…

Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 728

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gummy bear · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Love language

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 666 You deserved it 31 274

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Anonymous · 14 June 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

Clapback

Today, the cafe lady misnamed me Michael. I corrected her and jokingly exclaimed that Michael must be really handsome if she mistook me for him. She simply responded, “No, not really.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 145 You deserved it 408

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Anonymous · 14 June 2025, 00:00 ·Birmingham, United Kingdom

Sticky

Today, it's been a few days since I had surgery, which means I can’t wash my hair myself for a couple of weeks. Today I paid to have it washed professionally… then proceeded to spill liquid glucose all over the ends of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310 You deserved it 126

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Darkness Inside · 13 June 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Dude, gross!

Today, my dad learned that I sometimes waffle stomp in the shower if I wake up late. He built a shower stall outside and has threatened to kick me out if he ever finds me showering inside again. I get that it's kinda gross but this is a massive overreaction. What will I do in winter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 You deserved it 1 465

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