By BabsZilla - 05/09/2016 00:21 - United States - King City
BabsZilla tells us more.
OP Here. To answer some questions and lay down some facts. My housemate and I lived with my parents for a long time until I turned 18, then we had a house all lined up, and we moved out together about 15 minutes away. Not far, I am still in High School, and I wanted to remain close to my parents. I am of legal age here in Cali, and we are "careful" (Meaning we have safe sex with the pull-out method and birth control) My parents came into our house with the spare key I gave my mother for EMERGENCIES and planted 28 nanny-cams EVERYWHERE! We had to go through every piece of furniture and decor that we have to find them all. She called me literally 5 minutes after we finished having our "fun" to tell me she was watching me. I love my mum, but if this was to "protect" me, that's taking it too far. Thanks for commenting. Needless to say, we only have sex in the bedroom now...
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How embarrassing! I wonder what possessed them to put cameras in your house.
That’s in some places. In other places, just taking a simple still photograph without their consent is illegal. And yet in other places still, you can take whatever picture or video you want, with or without sound, and it’s completely legal, but releasing the pic or video without their consent is illegal unless you censor their face and/or voice. Ugh I wish all places just had the same damn laws
Little odd that they put cameras in your house. But other than that, if you want to be with an older person they shouldn't judge you for that.
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I sympathize with the OP for the lack of privacy, but at 18 by today's American cultural standards, it's very unlikely you're a fully functionally independent adult yet. That was an irresponsible decision on your part, and an unethical one on the part of your 32-year-old housemate.
I'm not trying to bash, I just did not interpret this as them living in their own house independent of her parents as many other readers did. With the camera set-up, it sounded like she was living on her parents' property. If she is living on her own home that her parents don't own, and they trespassed on her property to install those cameras, than that's a crime and they can pursue legal action, in which case I withdraw my initial judgment. I simply found it more likely that they are living with her parents or on property owned by her parents. The FML leaves that detail ambiguous and up for interpretation.
It is absolutely an invasion of privacy, and an unfair one. But whether or not the daughter did something irresponsible is based entirely on whether or not she lives with her parents or is financially independent and living on her own. At 18, most Americans today are not in any way, shape, or form an adult. But there is no magical number when a person suddenly stops being a child and turns into an adult. From the perspective of morality or ethics, it's a bit of a gray area, but generally speaking, 18 and living at home is still considered "dependent," with a foot firmly planted in childhood. They've even passed Federal laws that allow parents to still cover children on their health insurance and income taxes well into their 20s. The socio-economic challenges of today have actually resulted in a slower development and maturation in today's teenagers that are more than just social, they're biological too.
#4 Having sex isn't necessarily irresponsible. It should be fun and enjoyed equally by both parties. I imagine that being unexpectedly filmed while having sex puts OP and her housemate in a very uncomfortable position, and that's the reason for the FML. She is 18 and can have sex with whomever she pleases. Being filmed without her knowledge is an extreme invasion of privacy and OP's mom was better off not mentioning it at all if she couldn't bring it up tactfully.
The only way sex would be irresponsible would be if you're trying to have a kid while not financially or mentally ready for it. But there are ways to (usually) avoid that. OP is 18 so they are perfectly responsible and able to decide what they do with their own body, no matter where they are living.
If a person is not financially independent and living on their own, it is irresponsible to have sex. It doesn't stop the vast majority of people from having sex, but it is an irresponsible decision. If she is financially independent, it makes no logical sense that the the parents would call her and say they aren't paying for the baby. It also is VERY strange and VERY illegal if they trespassed into her home, installed wireless cameras in every single room, and then monitored them. To me that is a far stranger conclusion to jump to than that she still lives with her parents along with a 32 yr old boarder or housemate whom we don't know the relationship or circumstances behind since it wasn't relevant to the FML. The parents are dead wrong no matter what the situation, but just HOW grossly wrong they are is dependent on the living situation, and whether the OP did something kind of stupid, or did something that was entirely none of her parents' business, is also entirely dependent on what the living situation is.
I agree with you. Read me, I'm #25. Does that mean I'm getting too old for this app if I'm not outraged at the parents like everyone else? It does sound like everyone is living in the parents' house. And 18 year olds are very stupid, even if they are financially independent from their parents. I feel like I was 18 not too long ago. Trust me... you know nothing when you're 18, or even 21.
you made quite a few assumptions there #4 Two adults having sex isn't really morally or ethically wrong. Also when you say that if they aren't financially independent then they shouldn't have sex.....well there are so many people that fall under that scope....people with loans, mortgages, government assistance, etc.
At 18 I was serving my country in the good 'ol USARMY. I think that made me a pretty decent functioning adult. And while some 18 year olds don't know their ass from their elbow, plenty still as capable adults, and many more go on to do some very responsible and demanding things. Just because you may still have been in mommy's house at 18 doesn't mean everyone is.
@42 I'm 24 and live with my parents and barely work. I've had a lot of trauma in the past and am working to recover. That being said since I'm not independent I shouldn't have sex? Pretty sure any adult is allowed to have sex as long and it's consensual, and they're being safe and smart.
I'm 23 and not financially independent because I live in a city where rent is very expensive and I cannot afford to work enough to cover the cost of living while still finding the time to study enough to pass my exams as a med student. I'm aware that some people DO manage to do both, but I personally can't. You can look down on me for that all you want, but does that seriously mean I'm not allowed to have sex to you?!
"Im not financially independent so I shouldn't to have sex?!" Well, are you (financially, emotionally, physically) willing and capable of assuming the consequences of sex, either being unwanted pregnancy or STD? If you don't then yes, having sex is irresponsible. Nothing protects you 100% and you're not prepared if something goes wrong. It's common sense to me, I dont get all the thumbs down.
What a load of bullshit. Sex isn't some kind of incredibly complex task that can only accomplished by the creme de la creme of any given population, the most mature, financially and emotionally stable people you can possibly find. It's a normal part of life, not something you need a license and ten signed references for. Yes, even if you double up on birth control pills and condoms (which I do, every single time) you can be part of the few unlucky percent who get pregnant or catch STDs anyway, but that is incredibly unlikely. That's like telling me I shouldn't be allowed to go out in the sun, because surely I wouldn't be able to afford treatment for skin cancer on my own and sun screen isn't 100% effective.
Woah, you had to exaggerate what I said and use insults in order to make a point, I guess there's there's no sense in going on since youre not capable of discussing this subject properly. Just to clear things: I never said you have to be rich or a zen Master to have sex, thats why I wrote "capable and WILLING", most people arent 100% fit for facing the responsibilities of sex but are willing to solve things as they feel best. You should read further and let the discussion flow before making an hyperbole of others opinions.
Do your parents understand that what they did is illegal? Even if they own the house and you are just a tenant. If they don't personally live there, nanny-cammimg the place breaks multiple laws. I don't know how wise it is to hook up with someone almost twice your age, but that's still no excuse for what they did.
The fact that OP has a housemate would seem to indicate that they are not living with OP's parents. And you can't add an indoor recording device clause to a rental lease, it would nullify the contract. I used to work in property management in California. The only way around it is if the parents live there.
If its your home and you did not give permission, what they did is 100% illegal. Ho-lee shit that is totally messed up. But they are allowed to if they're paying your rent and their name is on the lease/mortgage! Be careful, have them removed! Check your state laws!
Housemate. Parents watching. So... your parents' boarder? Yeah. Weird. When I was 18 I was banging a 32 year old guy too. But I had my own place.
I'm assuming the most likely scenario... that OP lives with their parents. If there was an 18-year-old female (presumably) who just moved out on her own, would she post an ad reading: "18f seeks male 30+ to be roommate. And my parents had cameras installed so they could keep an eye on me."? No.
Does it make more sense that she still lives in her parents' house and she didn't know about the cameras, or that she moved out when she was 18, got a 32 year old male roommate, and her parents managed to get access to OP's own house and put in secret cameras? It appears her parents still take care of her financially since "they're not paying for that baby." If I let my 18 year old daughter move out but I still paid her rent, would I let her move in with a 32 year old housemate? For one thing she doesn't NEED a roommate since I'm paying the rent. Like I said, I'm going with the thing that makes the most sense. If OP replies and says it was her own house that she pays for, but her parents snuck in and put cameras to spy on her, I will be willing to admit my assumption was incorrect.
For what it's worth, I'm 24. I have a regular income and pay for my own rent, in a lease under my name. I pay for most of my own expenses, except for insurance (because I can still stay on my parents' plan, and because our family is large enough that it doesn't really add anything to their bill). So I think of myself as mostly financially independent. Certainly independent enough that I deserve privacy. But if I got into a situation where I needed to raise a child, I don't think I could do it without someone else's help.
If you would do someone who's about 15 years older than you, there's no telling what you did for your parents to put cameras in your house.
What kind of grown ass 32 year old adult wants to have sex with an eighteen year old? You're still a child to him. Creepy.
More like "What kind of *normal* grown ass 32 year old adult wants to have sex with an eighteen year old?" Because there are plenty of men out there who want to date and/or have sex with a much younger (barely legal) woman, but doesn't mean its normal. I feel like a normal person would date with their age range, as in +/- 5 years of their age. I know I would never date anyone older or younger than that.