All the FMLs

Gambit

By Chess'nt - 02/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after a couple days of taking lessons after I decided to learn to play Chess as a hobby, I felt a bit better about my skill level than I was before. Then I got absolutely humbled by five different people. One of them actually said to me, "What Glass Joe is to Punch-Out, you are to chess." It's hard to not be discouraged after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 131

Creeper alert!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 778

You deserved it 13 852

Seek help

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and ever since his parents died in a crash, my husband is so petrified of his own eventual death that he's determined not to waste any time, even on sleep, and now only allows himself one REM cycle of sleep per night, around 90 minutes. He’s falling apart and refuses to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 85

Don't know, don't care

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 13:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was in a car accident. When I came home, I told my mom. She just got angry with me, blamed me for it, and didn't even ask if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 96

Spluttering and confused

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 20:00 - Ireland

Today, I was in a supermarket using the self-checkout. I tried to scan a loaf of bread, but it wouldn't register. After several attempts and increasing frustration, I slammed the loaf down on the scanner. The bread tore open, and seeds flew everywhere. An old woman behind me said, "Technology can be hard for the young, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 586

Dumpstered

By KO: - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was changing the garbage at a local fast food place where I work. Being a rather short guy, I had to lean back and fling the full, heavy bag at the top. I did so with such force that my head hit the dumpster, knocking me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 968

You deserved it 5 255

WAKE UP IT'S MONDAY MORNING!

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was running late for work so I grabbed my coffee to go. I was rushing down the stairs when I stumbled a bit and spilled the entire cup of coffee all over myself. I had to go back up, change clothes, and was still late. The kicker? It was decaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 351

Congrats

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my bosses pulled me aside and said to me they appreciated me for being such a hard worker, and told me they had something for me. They gave me a one year pin. Today was my 3 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 71

Slight exaggeration

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad threw my boyfriend out of the house, and I mean 'Uncle Phil throwing Jazz out of the house' type of throwing. He picked him up, and he didn’t even touch the sides on his way out the door. He landed on the bonnet of his car, all because of an argument over a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 115

Hush hush

By Louis - 02/09/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I went to sneakily grab a snack without waking up my roommate. I was being extra quiet, tiptoeing like a ninja. I opened the fridge door slowly, but managed to knock over a stack of Tupperware boxes. The crash was so loud it could’ve woken the dead. My roommate appeared in the doorway, not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 247

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 209

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 263

You deserved it 5 371

Follicular catastrophe

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 00:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I went to a different barber because my usual one was on vacation. I told him I wanted a slight trim, nothing drastic. Apparently, "slight trim" means shaving half of my head and giving me bangs that would make a medieval monk jealous. Now, I look like a confusing fashion experiment from the '80s. The 1880s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 99

Doomer

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 00:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, no matter how hard I work, no matter what my position is, and how hard I have earned it, I will keep failing, knowing that the people who succeed won't do a thing to focus directly on advancing or substantially improving human life quality. I will be the last one to consider it, but will never be able to do a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 365

Not a science major

By dumb mother - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 370

You deserved it 5 158

I guess that's a "NO!" then?

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 16:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I thought it would be romantic to propose to my girlfriend during halftime at a local football game. I arranged everything with the stadium staff. When the moment came, I got down on one knee, only for her to hiss, "Are you serious? Right here?" She ran off, leaving me kneeling in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 879

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, I received an email from my boss announcing a new company policy that everyone already hates. Meaning to vent, I typed a snarky reply meant for my friend, saying, "Guess we’re all fucking robots now, huh?" I'd hit "Reply All" instead. Now the entire office, including my boss, knows exactly what I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 699

Such a gentleman

By Harry123 - 01/09/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was trying to be polite by holding the door for an elderly lady in a shop. What I didn’t realise was that the doors were automatic. I ended up standing there awkwardly for a good 5 seconds, holding onto thin air, while she just smiled and walked by. A bloke behind me said, “The doors don’t need your help, mate.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 393

Vaguepost

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I've always struggled with communication and such with my family, so I was difficult to take care of, yet I always held myself together, did my chores, and took care of myself. Sometimes I even helped them out, but now they’re kicking me out of the house, and I have nowhere to go, and I don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 147

The jug of shame

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I had a Zoom meeting. I tried being professional by setting a virtual office background, but during the meeting my computer glitched and revealed my real background: a pile of dirty laundry and a jug of Arizona Tea. My boss couldn’t stop laughing because he thought the jug was a jug of piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 434

Fun, relaxed

By Welp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 803

You deserved it 1 171

Primal scream

By lordoftheweird - 31/08/2024 15:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my mom's response to everything is now screaming. Two year-old brother playing quietly? Screaming. Computer freezes? Screaming. Mailman? Screaming. We tried to get her tested but no doctor can stand her for more than ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 81

What are you doing?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, at a work gathering, I started chatting with a guy who looked familiar. It took 5 minutes to realize he was a guy from my apartment complex. For the last year I've been pretending to be an accountant named Claire whenever we met in the elevator because I thought it was funny. My real name isn’t Claire and I’m definitely not an accountant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 741

Brainrot

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my aunt sent me a Facebook post about how Halloween will fall on Friday the 13th for the first time in 666 years. She wasn’t making a joke, she sincerely believed that it was true. I’m starting to think she’s genuinely intellectually disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 89

Great timing

By alo1434 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 027

You deserved it 3 380

Such a rush

By lukey101 - 01/09/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Ring cameras while at work. Ridiculously, my overweight pug-dog managed to climb up onto the ironing board and seemingly couldn’t get down. I valiantly rushed home to rescue, only for him to immediately jump down unassisted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 438

Freudian

By Riley99 - 31/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was introducing my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. I meant to say, "Mom, Dad, this is Tom." Instead, I said, "Mom, Dad, this is Mom." My boyfriend is now jokingly reconsidering our relationship, and my parents won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 176

What happened here?

By Alex - 31/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was alone at the office and having some fun spinning around in my chair. In my enthusiasm, I spun too fast, lost my balance, and crashed into the shelf behind me. The shelf didn't survive the impact, and I had 30 minutes to come up with a good excuse before everyone else came back from lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 551

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, my son tried my year great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 126

Panic! at the grocery store

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I wet my pants at the grocery store. I didn't feel like I had to go until I was inside. The embarrassing thing (besides me being 37)? I actually made it to the store's public bathroom and made it to the toilet, but my belt was on so tightly that I had to undo it and it doesn't work like an ordinary belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 331

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a female friend of mine keeps telling people we’re dating. No matter how many times I told her I'm gay and only attracted to men, she won’t take that for an answer. She’s actually arranged for me to meet her parents next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 242

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 407

You deserved it 7 516

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 594

You deserved it 45 105

Today, I got stuck in a three-hour traffic jam because I sneezed and missed the road I was meant to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 636

You deserved it 4 927

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 438

You deserved it 7 815

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 102

You deserved it 243