doubled01

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Doubled01's favorite FMLs

Expelliarmus!

By icybrent94 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Arlesey

Today, I had some fun by joining a Harry Potter forum and making a thread saying it's all for little kids. When I checked back later, my post had been edited into me tearfully coming out of the closet, and some guy had said he'd passed my details on to Anonymous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 300

You deserved it 41 229

By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 213

You deserved it 9 593

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 562

You deserved it 39 042

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 741

You deserved it 2 893

By mdg - 04/12/2012 17:16 - United States - North Windham

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 906

You deserved it 30 829

By Tonguetied0496 - 10/12/2012 07:21 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 903

You deserved it 7 426

By LLCK - 10/12/2012 10:13 - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 599

You deserved it 2 262

In case you haven’t noticed, I'm weird. I’m a weirdo. I don't fit in

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Conover

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better I said that she looked small. She said, "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 134

You deserved it 40 977

By teacher - 25/01/2013 05:25 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 613

You deserved it 3 188

By dynah114 - 27/01/2013 19:08 - Israel - Petah Tiqva

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 390

You deserved it 2 493

Setup

By hamandegger - 04/02/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 854

You deserved it 4 525

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 18:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 342

You deserved it 3 328

By curly_eyelashes - 24/02/2013 14:30 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 830

You deserved it 14 474

By Headache - 01/03/2013 13:20 - United States

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 980

You deserved it 4 814

By mets300 - 13/04/2013 11:22 - United States - Oneida

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 834

You deserved it 100 666

mets300 tells us more.

mets300 8

Monday 11 November 2013 7:08

Hey guys op here again. I was so overtired that I couldn't quite put it together that one should in fact unfold a folding chair to properly use it. I should have made this clear, I suppose, based on the colossal backlash I've received. Thanks, all.

By Anonymous - 08/05/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 068

You deserved it 5 553

Good one, asshole

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "Sexual health products." Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 692

You deserved it 6 318

Grammie!

By luciazee - 06/06/2013 20:51 - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 079

You deserved it 3 339

By Oops - 10/06/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 222

You deserved it 13 838

On the fence

By fuckyouverymuch - 13/06/2013 10:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 025

You deserved it 26 806