Miscellaneous: Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone... - FML

By Anonymous - 03/10/2013 03:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 319

You deserved it 2 671

Mama's boy

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Horn section

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 21:30

Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 1 314

By nitroman64 - 30/07/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 851

You deserved it 28 223

Shiny shiny

By me! - 25/03/2021 17:01

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 136

By fmlfmlfml - 02/06/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 792

You deserved it 251 508

By angry girlfriend - 25/08/2014 03:27 - United States - West Harrison

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 192

You deserved it 5 643

By iamnotalawyer - 26/03/2012 04:55 - United States - Glendale

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 4 110

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 651

You deserved it 4 971

By theawfulpresent - 30/01/2013 00:28 - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 345

You deserved it 3 427

No smoking

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 244

By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 935

You deserved it 2 231

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 195

You deserved it 45 391

By like - 14/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 199 908

Policy schmolicy

By p!nk - 12/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, I let my daughter dye her hair pink. I got an email from her school stating that the hair color violated the school dress code as it's “distracting,” and she will not be allowed to attend classes until she changes it. We do school over Zoom. Not sure how her hair distracts on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 299

By WTF? - 01/04/2011 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 810

You deserved it 8 166

By DerrickUhl - 19/06/2012 04:28 - United States - Napa

Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 715

You deserved it 6 905

By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 57 250

By Sickofbeingsick - 01/10/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 782

You deserved it 2 824

By sup - 01/07/2019 20:00 - Canada - Chicoutimi

Today, I found out why I've had cockroaches in my bathroom - my landlord didn't bother to finish the wall behind my bathroom sink. There are literally holes that go straight from my bathroom to the garage downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 03:14 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 294

You deserved it 1 812

By Talkingbeforethinking - 16/03/2019 18:00

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 590

By iamfab - 06/06/2015 05:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 182

You deserved it 5 047

By Jesse - 22/06/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 766

You deserved it 85 138

Happy Birthday, I guess…

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 14:00

Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 94

Thanks, I hate it

By PiMan - 19/01/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 065

You deserved it 3 096

By annoyedgf - 11/07/2015 12:44

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend standing at the end of the bed staring at a large wet spot. Boy do I know how to pick 'em! FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 923

You deserved it 3 358

By embaressed - 20/09/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 2 897

By awwman - 10/04/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 284

You deserved it 2 938

By the_dog_sitter - 13/03/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 530

You deserved it 24 516

By paddy - 14/07/2009 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a neon themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 453

You deserved it 16 485

By Anonymous - 11/10/2017 13:00

Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 897

You deserved it 416

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 18:28 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 133

You deserved it 9 502

By Misunderstood - 08/02/2009 05:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 902

You deserved it 11 547

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 718

You deserved it 613

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 026

You deserved it 32 286

By m33p - 05/02/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 793

You deserved it 8 318

By imcold - 30/12/2012 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 2 765

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 274

You deserved it 14 307

The magic of love

By robot lady - 23/09/2020 23:01

Today, I learned just how “old fashioned” my girlfriend is when we talked about marriage. She said it should be approached as a logically as possible and that I make an ideal partner, based on my ability to provide. And while she sees sex as uninteresting, it is a wifely duty she’s willing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 183

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 307

By c - 22/07/2012 04:50 - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 031

You deserved it 1 751

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

crimsonlover4 31

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:36

Sorry to hear that Meg

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:36

Stay there while he's gone? Maybe your parents can compromise

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 21:30

Or maybe they're just compensating in their own weird way. They might be painfully missing him.

niftyismybitch 21

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:35

maybe they want to turn it into a gym..

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 10:12

I can think of a few things parents could do with an empty spacious room.

604 11

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:35

Hmmmmmaybe they're trying to tell you something?

MoronsAccount1 12

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:35

Who gives a shit if you didn't get a nice, big room? I may sound a little cliche, but coming from a guy that shared a room with his father until he was 15 because we were too poor for a three bedroom house, be fucking glad that you have one.

MoronsAccount1 12

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:39

Insane? What the hell is that? I didn't know that sharing an experience with someone to show them they shouldn't be so upset was considered an insane act. Who made this guy apart of FMLs staff? lol.

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:41

It would have bugged you if there was an empty room in your house up for grabs and you still had to share with your father, wouldn't it? Similar thing here. OP is happy with their room otherwise ("I wouldn't mind, but...") but why not give them the better room that's wasted otherwise?

crimsonlover4 31

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:36

Sorry to hear that Meg

MiLM 37

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 November 2015 18:15

Are you implying Chris got into a college?! xP

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:36

Stay there while he's gone? Maybe your parents can compromise

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:39

Well tell your parents how you feel and if they disagree or are immature about it then forget em

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:43

It honestly doesnt make sense. FYL OP, I knpw how that feels

EmmaMK 35

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 15:08

Me too! It's crap. But don't waste your energy getting mad (it won't get you anywhere) focus it on you and stay positive.

how_to_implode 17

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:43

Maybe they're just trying to entice him to come back home? Either way, I suggest you start looking at faraway schools as well. =/

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2013 9:43

Dam it meg

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283