ARCHANGELGABRIEL

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

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Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

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Today, my boyfriend fed a "random mushroom from the woods" to my rabbit. It then had a violent seizure and died. He claims it must have been from "natural causes". FML

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Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

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