Miss FL, United States 29 years-old It's complicated
Today, I woke up to people in the parking lot screaming "everybody wake up". They've been doing this at 7 every morning since I moved in 3 months ago. FML
Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML
Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me as I was leaving and said, "Have a nice… week!" FML
Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML
Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML
Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML
Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said, "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war." We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML
Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML
Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML
Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML
Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML
Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML
Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML
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