West Covina, United States 34 years-old Single
Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML
Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML
Today, I found out that my 43 year-old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year-old kid on Halo. FML
Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML
Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML
Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML
Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML
Today, I was sitting in social studies and someone threw a note at me. It said "Go fuck yourself, everyone hates you, just die." FML
Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML
Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML
Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML
Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML
Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML
Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML
Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML
Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML
Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML
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