Miss Bossier City, United States 33 years-old Single
Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML
Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML
Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to antidepressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week, I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML
Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML
Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML
Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML
Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML
Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML
Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML
Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML
Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML
Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML
Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake from her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said, "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML
Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML
Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML
Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML
Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML
Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML
Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry, it gets better." FML
Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML
Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML
Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML
Today, I was debating if I actually do talk to myself. I was having this conversation with myself. FML
Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML
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